Personals

Author: [no author name found]

SEEKING WOMEN

No words, no touching, no problem. 3692.

Corn-fed Midwestern boy looking for a lady who likes the cut of my jib. Come rock my boat in the high winds until I get blown off shore. 3442.

ROAR. I AM A DINOSAUR. 3986.

What's the best thing about "twenty six" year-old girls? There are 20 of them. 3576.

You and me, bubbeleh, are like charoset and maror/Can't wait to break the fast with you next year on Yom Kippur. 3657.

Prankster looking for a new experience. Must love crosswords, ending friendships and cuddling. Meet me in the Grand Salon, baby. 3983.

Seeking a squash-playing, skiing, Nantucket-loving life partner. 2246.

Can you teach me to count to ten? 3878.

... Looking for my first lady. And no, the GOP isn't dead. 3847.

NOT F@!#$%& EMO. 2255.

Me: awkward in real life, sexy in Second Life®. You: speak Klingon? I might be willing to cross light sabers. 2975.

Water-loving mammal looking for someone who possesses a scintillating wit and a captivating personality but won't compete with me for attention. 2372.

Just "say yes!" 3600.
Man known as "Crystal" seeks a female Crystal to call his own. Susans, Katies and Sarahs should head elsewhere. 2013.

Looking for a fit girl to share fro-yo (not full fat ice cream) with me. 2219.

Distressed male trying to find missing - what's it called? - primate. Be advised: I require extensions on everything. 2562.

Freshman girls call me "Joe Mods" for a reason. 4351.

Classics boy seeks his own Athena. Must love instrumental rock, alpaca and shredding gnar. 3854.

SEEKING MEN

Nice Southern boy seeks same for platonic bonding at society barbecues. You provide the bromance, I'll provide the bourbon. 4325.

Desperately seeking athletic male. Did I mention my father owns a strip club? 3323.

Like Hot Pockets? Serenade me. 2574.

My requirements: a great smile, an obnoxious personality, a conservative agenda and an exact likeness to Peter Murphy. 2730.
Petite domestic goddess seeks male who can help me make our house a home. 4172.

Looking for an Italian stallion? Sorry - I may have giant (soccer) balls, but you'll never "score" with me. 4473.

Me: sexy AIDS nurse with BlackBerry. You: Year 9 and under with European mullet. 3893.

Does Middlebury have a semi-pro hockey team? I'm tired of this one ... or are they tired of me? 2693.

Not yet a girl, not yet a woman: just a slave 4 u and your toxic love. 2044.

Granola-addict looking for man with flowing blond hair. I love fondue and maybe you will too. 2647.

Texas belle seeks gentleman who enjoys marathons of "Murder She Wrote." Terrible taste in documentaries also a must. 3663.

Cute, cuddly "floofy" seeks caretaker to rub her back and read her bedtime stories. 3151.

A real man would wear Old Spice, take me on dates in a hot air balloon and propose to me in the Costco floral department. 3964.

Austen-lover seeks dashing beau who (somewhat anachronistically) also enjoys "The Office." 4561.

Looking for a cuddle buddy with an appreciation for Mac-n-Cheese and Applegate's finer literature. 2825.
Sarcastic sophomore seeks partner who enjoys long hugs and singing "L is for the Way You Look at Me" frequently. 3027.

WHATEVER I CAN GET

The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice. 3296.

Crazy gem with a lotta spirit. 4560.

Most desirable man in the World (of Warcraft). 3665.

7 ft., 300 lbs. Can you handle these handles? 2989.

Heady bro seeks morally liberal hipster. Did I tell you about my movie, yo? It's so deck. Have you heard the new TV on the Radio Album? Straight chillin'.Yo, I copped those new Nike sneaks. 2656.

Snarky, cardigan-wearing half-Jew seeks someone who spks txt fluently. If u have a phone, I have game. 4110.

I'll be like, "Oh yeah," when I t-t-taste your Bath & Body Works. Open to all flavors, from warm vanilla to roast beef. 4414.

No standards? Me neither. 3820

This blonde with cups that runneth over is not tryin' to get aggressive unless you have either an accent or a bro-flow. 4514.
Wo ai ni. Help this stellar student of Chinese rejoin the tally. 4459.

Pull my hair, biotch. 2589.

STAFF PERSONALS

Tall, gentle soul in search of equally compassionate wordsmith for frolics on my native shores. Must love awkward waves. 2091.

Smokin' cougar seeks lanky prey with tarnished lungs but an unadulterated heart. Come on baby, light my fire. 4198.

Westchester-bred basketball savant seeks comfort until Summer 2010. Eagles fans need not apply. 3325.

Female vegan-sexual seeks companion with a shared love of corny, rhyming greeting cards. 3233.

Curly-haired gal returning from abroad thinks English lads are more than just O.Kay. 3390.

Piano man who hits all the right notes. 4448.

Meet me in the RAJ basement after hours for a good time. Open-minded types preferred, as Facilities may "join" us come daybreak. 2682.

Let me fix your finances. Meow. 2469.

Lovely "local" girl seeks synesthesiac writer who savors every single bite of a baked good (and then some). Come visit me in my dairy barn. 4067.

This febulous guy's ex is applying here. Want to help him show her that it's over for good? 2476.

Editor extraordinaire is waiting for the one that stops him in his (Yak)Trax. Just don't expect any Monday night dates. 2597.