We decided to write a poem to recap our third week of training:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Maddie got gastro,
We didn’t know what to do.
As a reminder to those who are joining our column now, you are witnessing two of Middlebury’s most non-athletic students attempt to train for the impossible: a half-marathon. Now a fourth of the way through training, we hit a major dilemma as Maddie was surprise-attacked by gastro. Although Izzy continued to lovingly care for the dying corpse from a ten-foot radius the whole week, she remained immune to Middlebury’s version of the plague (clearly her body was thanking her for being active for once in her life).
Monday: Although Maddie’s stomach was experiencing its own version of the exorcism, that did not stop us from completing one shared workout on Monday night before Izzy had to take on the training solo. Beginning the week with an easy two mile run, we popped onto the treadmills. Although it’s rare for NARPs to venture past the rows of ellipticals and those mysterious machines that produce an electric slide-esque motion, we’ve learned to love the strut to the treadmills.
As Maddie upped her speed to a solid 6.0 miles per hour, she noticed Izzy confidently increasing her speed to 10. It had been a long day for Izzy, and she forgot that 10 was not in fact her mile time, but how many miles per hour she planned to run (obviously unfamiliar with these machines). As she began her forced six-minute mile, Izzy gave Maddie SOS glances as she slowly moved farther and farther back on the treadmill.
“What are you doing!” Maddie finally yelled, loud enough that Izzy could hear over “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” (did we mention we sync up our iPods and listen to Katy Perry on repeat during our runs?). By the time Izzy recognized her crucial mistake, she was two inches from falling to her death by embarrassment in front of the gym veterans. Maddie enjoyed her position as a witness to her friend’s embarrassment, and her entertainment only grew as Izzy realized she had to run fast enough to reach the stop button. Eventually, Izzy triumphed. All in all, we decided we prefer running outside.
Tuesday: The day death arrived (#prayformaddie). Izzy skipped training to mourn.
Wednesday: Maddie lost seven pounds in a matter of 12 hours while Izzy began an affair with a new running partner. However, this relationship was quickly ended when the new partner confessed to being a varsity athlete.
Thursday: Maddie alternated between binge-watching “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” on Hulu and staring out her window tearfully as her friends frolicked by, while Izzy attended her first YouPower spin class (shout out to Jess for making her sprint on a bike for the full four minutes of “Jubel”).
Friday: Maddie celebrated her first meal by ordering a bacon cheeseburger from the Grille (go big or go home!). Izzy ran five consecutive miles for the first time with an improved split time of more than two minutes. Progress is real, people!
We are going to end this article as your mothers with some proper caretaking tips. Wash your hands and be aware that germs are everywhere on this campus. Don’t push yourselves past your limits, listen to your body’s wants and needs. At the end of the day, your body knows best.
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