MiddCon and LAL

Dearest Blueberry,
You don’t know a lot about me, and I don’t know a lot about you, but we are in love. Here is the story of how I met you.

Doing homework is one of the loneliest parts of my day. I came to this realization this past weekend, when I spent every waking hour of my actual birthday writing an eight-page research paper. I have to do homework alone, because I am easily distracted, and the process was miserable. I would complain aloud about how I didn’t know anything about anthropology, how gross it is to see the word “heretofore” in an academic article, and, oh, that I was doing a paper on my birthday. All the while, I would struggle with accepting the sad, inevitable truth: I was a newly 22-year-old crazy person talking to his homework all alone.

In an attempt to quell both the loneliness and any thoughts that I should be institutionalized I turned to my old pal, Facebook. The long-time champion of infinite procrastination possibilities, Facebook has helped me (or not) through many a rough assignment. But Mark Zuckerberg’s creation just makes my loneliness problem worse; all it does is show me pictures of the people from which my work is keeping me. I decided I needed a new way to procrastinate, and at that moment an angel descended from the heavens and brought me to Middlebury Confessional.
Go/middfesh is awesome! I have finally found the place to pour my unwanted minutes and hours in between/while/instead of doing assignments. It is a mystical land of anonymity, where anything is possible and every awkward topic is discussed. Can you imagine walking up to a random person in line for lunch and yelling, “LOOK! If we’re going to debate abortion, let’s just do it here instead of somewhere else, OK?” It’d be hilarious, but would also spell certain social death. Yet that exact thread exists on Middfesh with 100 comments. From sex tips for guys and girls, to senior crushes, to gingers others would hook up with, people anonymously ask all sorts of questions that, if their identity were known, would make them a weirdo or the subject of a future Awkward BJ.

This is, of course, a top liberal arts college, and some overly academic folk decide to discuss the “heteronormativity” of their peers’ posts. These posts are occasionally interesting, but more than anything they make me want to declare that I am, indeed, a dinosaur.

But the best part of Middfesh is that it led me to you. One thread with minimal responses plugged for another site, Like a Little, found at go/lal. What an interesting idea for a website! It is a Twitter-like feed where people describe their crushes or other people they “like a little” but didn’t have the confidence to approach, and hope for a reply. Its way of maintaining anonymity is also clever: every user is assigned a random fruit or vegetable upon visiting the site and makes posts under that name. As I was reading Melon’s adorable shout out to his/her Battell crush, however, the loneliness hit me again. And then…behold the chat function! Blueberry.

It was you. It is you. It has always been you. We didn’t talk long, but it was enough. In the midst of my homework, when my soul was at its loneliest, you were there to fill the void. I love that your professor crush is Dwest, and I would totally show you how to get to the treehouse. It is the least I can do for someone who was there for me when I needed most. We both make tasty, wonderful pies, and when served together, we make the perfect dessert.

Forever and eternally yours,
Pumpkin
P.S. — In my dreams, you are a beautiful woman. I remember in our conversation that we never really exchanged genders. If you are a guy: my bad. The treehouse is by the mods.