The Way of the Weights Defines College Gym Life

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A GUY'S PERSPECTIVE...

By Raam Wong

Soon into their first year at the College, most students will realize that the "freshman 15" has transformed into the "freshman 50 and one extra chin." Faced with the prospect of showing up at a McCullough dance party wearing the only clothes that still fit them — sweat pants and a T-shirt that reads "I Completed Biff's Steakhouse 2-Pound Prime Rib Challenge" — students usually force themselves to go to Middlebury's purgatory, commonly referred to as the gym.

Middlebury's Fitness Center is a culture in itself. I hate to stereotype, but at any given time of the day, you will always see at least one person representing each of the following groups:

"The Health Fanatics." Sprinkled about the gym are usually men with iron chests who kiss their throbbing muscles each time they do a bicep curl and rail-thin, muscular women who resemble what Tom Wolfe refers to as "boys with breasts." It is my suspicion that these beautiful men and women are actually in training to one day be on Fox's "Temptation Island" on which they can parade their toned bodies for America's viewing populace. (Visit the Career Services Office for details.)

"The Browsers." Though clad in full workout paraphernalia, you will never see the Browser actually break a sweat. The Browser's gym time usually consists of looking at himself in the mirror, going to the drinking fountain, watching ESPN, and then taking a break to go to the drinking fountain. Often, just as you are vigorously climbing the hardest level on the Stairmaster and sweat is streaming down your red face, the Browser will saunter over to you and insists on starting a conversation. No matter how much you turn up your Walkman or peer down into your Newsweek, you can't avoid an exchange with the Browser. After 20 minutes of trivial small talk, the Browser will finally end the conversation by saying: "Well, have a good workout."

"80s Spandex Queens." Dressed in leg warmers, black spandex and a hot-pink thong, the Spandex Queen arrives at the gym apparently expecting to audition for "Footloose." Without doubt Spandex Queen and her wedgie will get on the Stairmaster directly in front of yours. Her high-riding, dental floss-thong is like a car accident on the side of the road — repulsive to look at, but too alluring to avoid as her buttocks swaggers in front of your eyes. Still, you force yourself to flee the scene faster than you can say "Jazzercise."

"Fan Hogs." These ogres of the gym need no introduction. It is the Fan Hog that bikes 2 m.p.h. yet insists on having every fan in the gym directed towards him.

"Sweaters." These are the people whose shirts are completely soaked through with sweat. It is the objective of every person in the gym to do whatever necessary to avoid coming within 10 feet of the Sweater or accidentally getting on his dripping-wet bike after he's done riding it. In the rare but tragic occasion that the Sweater and the Fan Hog happen to be the same person, then it instantly becomes monsoon season in the Fitness Center.

So where do I fit in? I suppose I am my own kind of oddity, having had my own share of embarrassing experiences in the gym. Once during a particularly packed day at the gym, I was changing in the entrance hallway that everyone in the gym can see into. It wasn't until my sweatpants were halfway down my legs that I realized I had forgotten to wear gym shorts. Luckily I had on a clean pair of Scooby Do underpants, which spared me any further humiliation. (Of course, I think I just made up for that embarrassment by being the first person to use the word "underpants" in The Campus.)

Despite its drawbacks, I suppose we will continue going to the gym in the hopes of finally reaching one of those goals of obtaining cannonball biceps, losing the freshman 15 or finally being able to pull off a hot-pink thong.

A Girl's Perspective

By Ashley Elpern

The gym. It has been like my second home since I arrived at Middlebury almost four years ago, a place where I can go to unwind from a stressful day, catch up on the latest sports news on ESPN, read a magazine and check out some of Middlebury's most attractive while getting a great workout at the same time. No one's room can provide so much enjoyment, nor can studying in Bicentennial Hall or Starr Library. Even dinner at Proctor will not provide as many social interactions as the gym does on a daily basis.

But don't get me wrong. The main reason I go to the gym is to use its cardio machines and weight equipment; taking advantage of the gym's other amenities is an added bonus. I discovered the gym early on in my first-year experience and it soon became my favorite hangout from 3:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m., with one hour devoted to working out and the other hour to waiting for machines or socializing.

The first thing one learns about the gym is that the machines are hot commodities. Sign up sheets are thus required to work out, although some deviants try to cheat the system and simply get on a machine without signing up. Within minutes, they are typically evicted by the owner of that 30-minute segment, hopefully learning their lesson and not inconveniencing honest exercisers in the future. That leads to gym secret number one: Always sign up in advance, for instance, if you want to bike and then run on the treadmill, sign up for both at the same time and you will not have to wait.

Another lesson learned at the gym is that working out in the morning or at night is the best way to avoid crowds and maximize the efficiency of one's workout. But the social aspect declines exponentially, decreasing the overall experience for many exercisers. I guess I'm one of those people who thrives in the crowded gym atmosphere. It's a great time to catch up on the gossip from friends you haven't seen since your last time at the gym, or, if you want to combine work with exercise, catch up on some last-minute reading for class.

For some, gym appearances are crucial. I will admit to seeing many girls working out in full makeup, with coordinating outfits and not a drop of sweat on them. It seems like they put more time getting ready to work out than they do exercising! There are also those so engrossed in their routines that the prospect of looking good while working out must not have crossed their minds. I think I fall in the middle. Although I get a solid workout, I don't let that wreck my appearance, for you never know who could get on the treadmill next to you!

Guys at the gym are not spared from this mindset. While not making generalizations, it is common to see large groups of heavily muscled male gymgoers decked out in clothing to display their toned bodies. They are usually positioned near a mirror to admire their stunning physiques as well. On the flip side, there are just as many if not more guys who focus more on the actual benefits of a workout, not just lifting the occasional weight and peering into the looking glass.

Ideally, the gym becomes what you make of it. For some, there is the possibility of being healthy and exercising. Others go more for the social interactions, and many go for a combination of the two. I don't know how many people go to the gym to actually meet members of the opposite sex. One of my male friends, who will remain nameless out of embarrassment, asked a girl he noticed at the gym out on a date. She denied him and he was never the same, and subsequently put even more effort into his actual workout following that incident. From that experience, we learn a lot about the gym mentality. My friend did not stop working out after he was rejected; he instead put more effort into exercising and less into checking out girls.

Obviously the point of going to the gym is to take advantage of Middlebury's excellent exercise equipment, and I think that at heart, that is the prime reason why so many people trek to the Fitness
Center each day. But if you can get a workout and "see and be seen" as well, then the benefits of going to the gym are even greater.