Full Speed Ahead: President Ron Takes the Wheel

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The columnist takes a selfie with Ron Liebowitz in his car (Charlie Ascher/The Campus).

By Charlie Ascher

Do you beliebowitz? (I shall not shorten this to belieb because this column does not associate with overgrown babies who stage instagram videos of their basketball skills.) Because I beliebowitz. For whatever reason the Mr. President of this fine institution and the inspiration behind my top-secret automotive rating system agreed to take time out of his day to drive with some sophomore hacks to McDonalds. So, with both excitement and trepidation, Karlo the Bosnian back seat tester (BBST) and I arrived at 11:20 in Old Chapel for our scheduled 11:30 to 12:00 run to McDonalds (ladies and gentlemen, I have no shame, I did indeed contact the President of the College about driving to McDs. This is going on the highlight reel folks.) Without further ado, this is Broke College Students in Cars Getting McDonalds: Driving Mr. President Edition.

The Car: 2007 Gold Automatic

Toyota Camry

Car Name: Gerald

The Owner: Ron Liebowitz

Styling: He wore a classy suit and gave off an aura of power. Truly presidential looking. In terms of the car: well… It’s a Toyota Camry; it’s the most ubiquitous vehicle in America that’s not a pickup truck. It looks like a car. Four doors? Check. Trunk? Check. But what about windows? Oh don’t worry it has those too.

Liebowitz-o-Meter: 5/5 with Ron, 2.5/5 without Ron.

Interior: Honestly I was just a little too intimidated by power to give the Camry the full interior analysis. What I can say is that it was comfortable and felt like the inside of a car. The interior color scheme of this particular Camry can only be described as the Sahara option. Seriously, everything was tan, I’m pretty sure there was an oasis in the front of the dash. No reports on the speakers because I brought my mixtape to show President Liebowitz and it immediately set the sound system on fire (sorry about that, Ron, I know a guy who can fix that for you and I’ll spot you my Papercut money.) The BBST claims that he had a spiritual experience riding in the backseat of the Liebowitzmobile.

Liebowitz-o-Meter: 5/5 with Ron, 3.5/5 without Ron.

Handling and Performance: Well, so here’s the deal; I didn’t actually drive the sacred Liebowitzmobile. What I can say is that President Liebowitz is a master of the McDs run. Seriously, he handles the roundabout like a true professional.

Liebowitz-o-Meter: 5/5 for Ron’s driving skillz, ?/5 for the actual car, but it’s a Camry, so to be totally honest, it’s probably a snoozefest (drowsy driving is no joke, everyone).

Drive-through-ability: The Camry is the best selling car in America; you’d better bet your lucky stars it’s a drive-through queen. This baby is ready to get fries stuck in all the seams of the seats. Have no shame, fearless McDonalds goer; the Camry has space for whatever non-sustainably sourced food your heart desires.

Liebowitz-o-Meter: 5/5 Rons.

The Drive: So to be totally honest, I was pretty surprised and excited that I was even able to do this. Karlo and I were originally planning on asking a bunch of ridiculous binary questions and then filming it, but then we realized we didn’t have a car mount for a camera, and then we realized on top of that that we probably didn’t want to come off as buffoons in front of the most powerful person on this campus. So we ended up just having a conversation. Seriously though, ask President Liebowitz about his travels in communist Eastern Europe and the files those governments had on him (was he a secret agent? We’ll never know) or why the Middlebury McDonald’s has no golden arches. In case you were wondering, we all got milkshakes, Karlo and I got chocolate and President Liebowitz got vanilla. Good stuff.

On another note, President Liebowitz is just very clearly a genuine guy who cares about this school. He’s an institution and we truly appreciate all that he’s done. Best of luck President Liebowitz, and thanks again for driving to McDonald’s with some random sophomores. By the way, you seem like you’re a killer dad.

Liebowitz-o-Meter: 5/5 Rons, would ride to McDonalds with President Liebowitz again.