How is it Still a (Midd) Thing?

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By Charlie Ascher

It’s Sunday and you decide that you’ve probably watched one too many episodes of Netflix and need to get some actual work done. If you stay in your room you’ll inevitably just end up succumbing to temptation, cracking open that bag of popcorn that you’ve been staring down all day and ripping through seasons three to six of some show. You keep telling yourself that you’re an adult that makes big-person decisions; however, you decide that today is not that day.

Today, you’re actually going to do work. You throw everything into your bag, text the other members of your group project, and head to the library. All of that Netflix did a number on your workload, so you really need to get this project done. A study room is just what you need. You walk by the first one: the table is covered in papers and books, but there’s no one in there and the light is off.

Ok, maybe that one is taken.

You walk by the second one: there’s one person sitting in there, and when you peer in you make eye contact and lock stares for just a fraction too long. You regret everything and move on. All of the next ones are variations on the same thing. Only one of them actually has more than one person inside.

If you are one of the aforementioned study room hoggers, congratulations, you’re the subject of my column this week. In short, please stop. I ask, people hogging an entire study room, how is it still a thing?

Here’s the deal, they’re called group study rooms for a reason. The rooms make it so no one has to hear the lovely discordant sound of your hastily thrown together economics group project getting passive aggressive. If you’re doing a group project, by all means, take a study room. Every other person in the library should not be subjected to your fierce debate about which Powerpoint theme to use. (Pro tip: hit up Visiting Assistant Professor of Geology Tom Manley if you want to learn the art of including as many transitions as possible in your Powerpoint presentations. You never thought that your slides needed sound transitions, but they do.)

Things get trickier when you’re solo. If you just want a quiet removed room to study in, I get it. Go ahead and work in a study room, just please don’t try and make it look like you need the entire room by spreading half of your life’s positions over the table and on the chairs. This is essentially the college student equivalent of a male dog peeing on everything to mark its turf. You are not a male dog; please don’t spread your stuff all over or pee on the table. If someone looks into the room, don’t give them the Clint Eastwood Gran Torino, “get off my lawn,” death stare that you’ve been practicing.

Let’s just all be decent human beings about this. Let someone that you might not know enter your study room dojo. It’ll be fine; I promise. Thanks. People hogging entire study rooms, how is it still a thing?