How is it Still a (Midd) Thing?

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By Charlie Ascher

White is black and black is white and everything becomes grey. No, this isn’t a riddle; this is just a description of many of my laundry experiences here at the College. I will admit that I’m pretty awful at doing laundry, but it must also be acknowledged that the laundry system here is just a tick better than unbearable. How is the current system still a thing?

First off, why isn’t laundry just free? Yes, I know this has as much a chance of happening as my wish for the remote control from Click (perhaps the crowning achievement of Adam Sandler’s never-ending quest to create the world’s most mediocre comedies).

Over my three years at the College, I have come to despise the name of our laundry provider, Mac-Gray. Mac-Gray is basically the world’s least intimidating, but most frustrating villain. They won’t ruin your life but they might lock up your clothes in the washer for a couple of hours. Why? Because Mac-Gray feels like it, that’s why. They should seriously consider changing their slogan from “Mac-Gray: Intelligent Laundry Systems” to “Mac-Gray: The World Leader in Minor Inconveniences.”

Let’s say you finally decide to stop competing to see how long you can make dirty clothes seem clean (I know you made it three weeks last time and want to get all the way to four, but trust me, you really shouldn’t wear that pair of socks again; I’m pretty sure they have new forms of life growing on them). You throw all of your clothes into a hamper and begin your once-a-month full body workout: hauling that hamper to the laundry.

You walk past each and every machine, gradually losing all hope as every one so far has been taken. Rounding the corner, a ray of hope appears in the form of an open door. Out of breath after hustling to get to the washer first, your soul is crushed. The washing machine is as broken as your dreams.

It seems like half of the machines are broken at all times, each broken machine laughing in your face with the strangely capitalized message, “ouT oF ordEr.” After waiting around like a vulture for what seems like ages a machine is finally available, you swoop in, stuffing every color of your clothes into the same washer because at this point you really couldn’t care less if everything becomes tie-dye.

You go to start your machine only to find out that you’re fifteen cents short. You walk over to the card machine to refill, but only have one dollar bills. Guess what? Our card machines only take fives and up. Why? Because Mac-Gray’s only goal in life is to make you miserable.

After racing back to your room to grab that crumpled up ten-dollar bill in your desk, you finally manage to start your laundry. By the time you finish, it will have been three hours. You didn’t have anything better to do with your afternoon, now did you?
After doing laundry here it makes a little more sense why we have not one, but two competing laundry service businesses. In closing, I ask, how is our current laundry system still a thing?