Practicing Hospitality

One of the most enjoyable aspects of being a part of the Middlebury College community over the past nearly thirty years has been engaging with students as well as fellow staff and faculty beyond their names, where their family resides and the surface-level questions of majors or job title. These opportunities have most often come as a result of some act of hospitality, ours or that of some other member of the college community.

Over the years, students have joined us at our house boiling maple sap into maple syrup while drinking tea (made from the boiling sap) and sharing favorite poems around the boiling pan. They have hiked the woods around our house identifying trees and watching our honey bees fly laden with pollen back into our hive. Numerous students and colleagues have even traveled with us on weekend-long trips to our favorite lake in Maine. Important conversations happened over a mug of tea, preparing a meal together, or washing dishes after the meal: hopes, dreams, life and death, faith and politics. Connections were made. Longtime friendships have evolved from these interactions.

Currently, we live in the Cook Commons House at the edge of campus and host meals around a table with students and faculty sometimes several times a week. Though only Matthew works officially for the college and Deborah works in town, we both take part in the meals. Matthew appreciates getting to interact with a broader segment of the student body than the smaller number of students or colleagues he might meet in a class taught within his major. Conversations around the dinner table often center around life experiences, current challenges and the important art, places and people who have shaped our lives.

Another significant experience of hospitality for us has been as hosts for the Fresh Air Fund, a program which has matched low income inner city youth from New York City with host families in rural communities since 1877. The program allows urban children the sort of summer experiences common to children from rural or suburban communities: splashing in a lake to cool off on a summer day, catching fireflies and frogs, running barefoot over green grass through a sprinkler, or heading off for a day at Addison County Fair and Field Days seeing farm animals on display or in competition.

On June 28, 2003, Israel Dudley, an 11-year old African-American boy with a shy smile and a slight build stepped off the bus wearing a t-shirt with the slogan “Shoot Hoops, Not Guns.” He was the first of five boys we hosted over the years and he stayed with us for two weeks that summer and then the following three summers. After he aged out of the Fresh Air Fund program, he continued to come for visits when we could arrange it, often for Christmas or other school breaks. And then he came to live with us in Middlebury from May 2014 to May 2018 in order to have some space to think about his future, apply for college, and earn some money for that endeavor. He became even more connected to our family and this community as he shared a room with our son Mark (Midd ’16), worked at 51 Main, played noon hoops at the college gym (with numerous other staff and students), and audited classes in psychology and philosophy with Professors Matt Kimball and Matty Woodruff.

Although we hope that the various guests we have had over the years have benefitted from our hospitality, we know it is also true that we have benefitted at least as much from the giving of hospitality as the recipients have from receiving it. Practicing hospitality, especially to somebody with a different background, or beliefs, or experiences, helps to shape us. It broadens our world, and changes how we think. It is a way of tearing down walls rather than building them. One of the best ways to begin to free oneself from the sorts of prejudices that culture often builds by giving us stereotypes is to replace those stereotypes with personal relationships. 

The school year is underway. We encourage you to embark on the adventure of offering hospitality: a mug of tea in your dorm room, an invitation to lunch at Ross Dining, becoming a Community Friend, preparing a meal for Charter House or a Community Dinner. Invite someone to explore the town or the local trails. Middlebury is a great place to step out of our self-imposed bubbles and social media echo chambers, a great place to make connections that last for a lifetime.

Matthew Dickerson is the Cook Commons faculty head and professor of Computer Science.

Deborah Dickerson is a guardian ad litem and is currently writing “Snapshots in Black and White” about the love story between their family and Israel Dudley.