Sex Panther: Give Lube Some Love

Editor’s Note: Throughout the semester you’ll be reading articles from Middlebury students of different identities and experiences on all things sex and relationships. 

Let’s talk about lube. No, really. We need to have a heart-to-heart about why some of y’all don’t seem to understand that sticking anything in anyone is gonna require some liquid love. If you’ve got a vagina, sometimes your yoni can take care of that need for you, but sometimes it doesn’t. And if you’ve got a butthole (for your sake I hope you do because if you don’t you might want to get that checked out) and you wanna stick stuff up your (or someone else’s) butt, you’re gonna need to add lube. 

For my fellow queers, this probably isn’t news. Lubricant love is strong in queer circles. We have long been indebted to the virtues of lubricant in sexual situations. Personally, I carry a mini-packet in my condom case (you do carry your condoms in a case so that they aren’t compromised by friction or sharp objects, right? Right?!?!) to whip out should the need arise with my honey. Believe me, we queers know lube. 

But most straight folx? Not so much. Painfully not so much. Straight boys, listen up: if your partner(s) can’t get wet on their own when you’re going at it, even though they are enthusiastically consenting to what you’re doing and you’re both into sticking stuff into each other, chances are you need lube. Otherwise, you’re going to end up with chafing at the very least and a ruined sexual relationship at worst.

It’s important to combat the notion that to be good at having sex you shouldn’t need any ‘outside help’. The belief that folks with vaginas need to be able to get wet with a smoldering glance from you is laughable. Foreplay is important, y’all!!!!!! It is perfectly normal, natural and biological that every vagina is different. Some may literally drip when they’re turned on, and some may not produce any lubrication at all, even if they’re hornier than a bunny in May. So stop it with that wet = aroused nonsense. I am here to tell you that that assertion is certifiably false, sex kittens. That is just your fragile masculinity talking, and it ain’t sexy. 

To be fair, you may not have ever considered not listening to that little voice of toxic masculinity, but now would be a great time to start considering it. Your partner and their orifices will thank you. 

“Wahhhhh but if I take time to get out lube, I have to stop mid-coitus. It kills the mood! :(((“

 Well, buddy, if stopping to make sure your partner is having the best experience possible ‘ruins the mood’, stopping isn’t the problem. And while you’re stopped, maybe ask your partner(s) what would feel good, or check in about consent or engage in some dirty talk. And if you and your sweetie enjoy incorporating toys in the bedroom (or wherever, no shame), lube can be a lifesaver! Just be careful to use a lube that is safe for your specific situation. 

Remember, kids SILICONE LUBE MELTS SILICONE TOYS. And oil based lube erodes condoms, so keep coconut oil in the kitchen if you’re using a latex condom. Water-based is generally safe for all bodies and surfaces, but the only downside is that it tends to dry out more quickly, so you may need to take a couple of extra moments to re-apply and make sure everything is going smoothly down there. 

Here’s the thing: foreplay is a fun, sensual, wonderful part of sex and incorporating lube into foreplay can ramp up the mood in a very hot way. So grab some packets from Parton, or invest in some lube for your (sexually) active lifestyle and get gliding!

If you have a topic you’d like to see written about or you’d like to write your own Sex Panther column, visit go/sexpanther to get in touch with us.