Life's Not a Competition, But I'm Winning

Time in general and, more specifically, here at Middlebury, is valuable. Never was this more apparent than as I sat in the news office in the early hours of Tuesday morning, contemplating the multitude of tasks in the coming day, Campus-related and otherwise. Everywhere you look people are running toward or from something, rushing to cram in as much as possible in the ever-rigid structure of a 24-hour day. I feel a wave of sadness that despite my inclination to jump in and get my hands dirty trying out new activities, realistically it would be impossible for me to enjoy anything without one thing we all desperately need, yet insist on going without: sleep. It is only the third week of school and we are already depriving ourselves. This tendency is nothing if not masochistic.

Why do I say masochism? Does the fault really lie with us? Yes. We perpetuate this drama for various reasons, but when you get down to it, for many, going to bed before two in the morning means to them that they could have been doing more. And this habit, at least for me, only kicks in when I return to this high-powered campus environment. While I would not say Middlebury students are particularly competitive about academics, we do compete on a daily basis over whose life sucks more, at any given moment. And it doesn’t seem as though it’s for a sympathy vote. Do we think that it makes us more awesome when we’re drinking eight cups of coffee a day? The caffeine may be weak but as someone who has in the past subscribed to this particular form of substance abuse, it gets to be excessive. The fact that, say, your right eye has spontaneously begun to twitch, should be a clue that you passed your caffeine-intake safety zone about three cups ago. Not that this has ever happened to me …

It is ridiculous to hear these conversations play out: one student explaining how he has three essays, a lab report and a fellowship application due, while the other responds saying, well, he has the same responsibilities AND is working two jobs. Beat that, biatch! Yeah, it’s all fun and games until someone has a meltdown. If I may use an analogy (that some may find offensive): you’re only cool if you can do five shots of tequila and NOT throw up.

Speaking of which, let’s not forget the “Work hard, play hard” philosophy. And no, this is not my cue to rant on the many perils of excessive drinking. “Work hard, play hard” does not only apply to heavy class loads and late-night partying. The “play” aspect might be applied to whatever it is that one does outside of class loads and academic activities. And while each might feel that the time spent with say his or her a capella group, or at Riddim or any other organization is time well spent, there is something to be said for taking a moment to relax. At times, no matter how late at night, when I finally get into my bed, I cannot fall asleep without a half-hour of totally brainless activity. It’s possible that I’m alone in this habit; however, it seems that if I allowed more time for these moments during the normal daylight hours, I would always be able to fall asleep when the occasion called for it. The change could be as small as choosing to eat dinner with a person rather than your latest reading assignment.

The fact is we go to extremes. A friend of mine said the day before classes started, “Everything in moderation, including moderation.” The argument is, we’re young! But as I see more and more of my friends suffering from the early autumn cold (does that even exist?), I have to ask why, oh why we insist on the worst for ourselves.

Unfortunately, as is clear from my examples above, I am not innocent of this self-effacing behavior. In fact, I am a seasoned regular in not sleeping, eating badly, drinking too much, studying too hard and crying in public (see definition for meltdown). In fact, this last semester I almost did actually (and inadvertently) destroy myself, doing so much and becoming so ill that it took me over a month of my dearly beloved summer time to physically recover. I vowed not to make the same mistake again. But this environment is not one for wimps and wallow-ers. No matter how much I learn at this school, there is something about the campus that brings out the insane in me. After all, what is a definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.