Etiquette Guru Teaches Arts of Sipping, Schmoozing

Author: Ashley Elpern Editor-in-Chief

For Middlebury students trying to make it big in the real world, one essential thing is needed to succeed: etiquette. For the 50 or so students who attended the Career Service Office's Etiquette Dinner last Thursday night, the world of etiquette came alive, courtesy of Jodi Smith, president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. Starting with "mocktails" and finishing with a decadent dessert, those in attendance learned proper conversation and dining skills and left much more satisfied than those who had normal dining hall fare.

Arriving at the Chateau Grand Salon at 5 p.m., in business casual dress of course, my friends and I encountered the cocktail party situation, with a full bar of mock piña colodas, martinis, bloody marys, rum and cokes and beer. We passed up the bar at first and gravitated towards other friends. This, we soon learned from etiquette guru Smith, decked out in a pink hounds tooth power suit, is the first cardinal sin of cocktail parties, as the point is to meet people who will become business and social contacts.

After berating us for not mingling with strangers, Smith gave the basics of meeting new people at cocktail parties. Cardinal rule number two: never eat and drink at the same time, for then you cannot shake hands with the person you are meeting, and always hold your drink in your left hand because the right hand always does the shaking. Smith reminded us that when wearing nametags, they go below the right shoulder, as handshaking rules state that a person's eyes should move down the right arm, up to the shoulder area and finish at the other person's eyes.

Before practicing introductions, Smith counseled us on proper first remarks, which include giving one's name and a "tag," one interesting thing about oneself that the person is comfortable talking about. For example: "Hi, I'm Ashley Elpern and I am the editor-in-chief of The Campus." My new friend would obviously be impressed, and the conversation would flow from there. If the discussion does not go so smoothly, topics such as sports, movies, books, travel, hometowns and the weather were a few suitable topics that Smith approved of. Sex, politics and religion are strictly verboten.

Smith suggested that these conversations last five to eight minutes, ending with the collecting of personal information if the two parties would like to talk about business or pleasure in the future. After two "lightning rounds," we began our dinner instruction.

Before sitting down, Smith instructed us on proper sitting techniques — enter the chair from the right and leaning into the table, pull the chair toward your place setting until you have reached a comfortable spot, then you may sit down.

The hardest part of the meal was not diving into the food immediately. There were pre-plated Caesar salads and a basket of bread, but first we had to listen to the rules of dining. Folding the napkin in the lap came first, with Smith counseling us to fold it in half and place the crease at the knee. Next came locating one's utensils. Smith suggested using the "BMW" strategy, starting with the bread plates at one's upper left above the forks, moving to the meal plate in the middle and the water glass above the knives and spoons.

After receiving permission to eat our salads, Smith recommended taking small bites to allow a business conversation to flow while eating. On that vein, Smith reminded us that at business lunches, the focus is the conversation and not the meal, so it is often a good idea to eat something beforehand.

The soup course came with its own rules. Smith instructed us to tilt our bodies forward at the hips while bringing the soup to our mouths. Scooping the soup also has a procedure; one must scoop away from one's body so that the lip of the spoon will not collect soup that might spill on the table or one's clothing.

With the main course, vegetable stew or chicken with green beans and potatoes au gratin, Smith gave us a break from etiquette lessons and allowed us to converse freely, mostly focusing on the quirky manner rules that we had learned throughout the night. Dessert was definitely the highpoint of the night, with a chocolate fudge cake that made us set aside all of our composure.

Smith's interest in etiquette began in high school, as she was "a people watcher." She cites reading "Miss Manners" as one of her resources to learning the social graces. In college, she majored in motivational psychology with a focus in behavioral predictors of social situations and upon graduation created and delivered training on polishing people skills for the Federal Government.

From training blue-collar workers to change their social behaviors to acting as a human resources line manager in the financial services market, Smith expanded her scope of influence and founded Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting in 1996. 'The process was challenging but well worth the effort," she said. "Being a business owner takes a lot of motivation and strong belief in self, even when others are telling you it will never work."

Smith said that for years she had been giving presentations and workshops for fun, but realized that as so much of her time outside her job was taken up by etiquette that there was a viable business.

Today, Smith holds a myriad of seminars and events, ranging from application help for high school seniors to dating and wedding preparation to business protocol. The business is 60 percent corporate and 40 percent university based, but she also creates customized programs for clients with special needs, such as a recent program on international etiquette for treasury management officials.

Smith sees etiquette as a way to present oneself in a positive, composed way. "It is about having confidence in yourself and making those around you feel comfortable," she said. "It is my life's work because I truly enjoy it."