Senior Hurdles

Author: Alison Hertel Associate Editor

I'm single. No, that was not an advertisement, and this is not a personal ad (though I do enjoy reading them — but that's another topic for another time). I've spent most of the past 21 years being single. I'm something of an expert on the subject.

I like to call myself the spinster cousin. In my family I'm the single one. Uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins — they ask, "Are you dating anyone?" and I continue to say "no." I'd like to point out that the one time over the past year when the answer to that question would have been "yes", no one asked.

As my mother and I were driving to school this year somehow it came up (again) that I don't have a boyfriend, and she said, "Yeah, I think you need to work on that." Yes, she really said that. Needless to say, my reaction was not good.

My best friend, the classic girlfriend girl (a girl who always, and I mean always, has a boyfriend, for those of you unfamiliar with the terminology), offers me advice on men. I'm too picky, etc. In high school she told me that guys would love tall girls in college … I'm still waiting.

My 19-year-old cousin assures me that my time will come. Similarly, a family friend ended a conversation with my mother recently by saying, "Tell Alison that her prince will come when she's least expecting it." My mother relayed this information to me.

A colleague at my job this summer asked if I had a boyfriend. I told her no. She was surprised, and in the course of the conversation I explained to her that I've never had a serious relationship. She said in response, "Oh, so marriage and children aren't in your future?" I became defensive and explained that I do plan on getting married someday, I just haven't met the right guy yet — I am 21, not 31. She then decided that I have a commitment problem.

Does being single require a diagnosis? Not everyone sees being single as a problem needing to be cured. One recently divorced friend assured me that I'm better off without a man in my life. She said, "Men are trouble. You're smart for not being in a relationship." Maybe she's not the most unbiased source…

Another friend (since everyone has an opinion on the subject) said that while in college I should be playing the field, not tying myself down to any one guy — this from a woman who had a boyfriend throughout most of her college career. But right now her advice sounds good to me because at Middlebury, in this work hard, play hard atmosphere, relationships can be hard to come by and, for all the complaining I've done, I'm pretty lucky — I've got a great group of friends, and I manage to have a lot of fun.

And isn't that what college is about? Making lifelong friends, having a good time, learning something and maybe growing up a little bit.

In the newspaper office a conversation ensued between four (single) female editors (myself included) about dating at Middlebury. We were relating our woes about the dating scene. I know you've heard it before, but once more can't hurt — there's no dating at Middlebury. We gave various reasons as to why.

As one editor said, "Overexposure works well for friendships but not for romantic relationships." Lack of time and lack of desire to reach outside one's group of friends were cited as other possible explanations.

Still pondering the question, "Why is there no dating at Middlebury," we four females asked the male perspective from a male editor who unsuspectingly walked in on this session of what he deemed "girl talk." He, quite eloquently I must say, expounded on the dating scene from the male perspective, painting a very similar picture to the one detailed by the women — no time, a close environment that magnifies the pressures of starting and maintaining a relationship, lack of places to take a date (The Grille … again), etc. He also felt that dating was easier when not at Middlebury.

We all concluded that perhaps men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus. Maybe we're all living on this wacky little planet, Middlebury, and it's skewing our perspective on things. Maybe, when we all leave Middlebury things will be different — dating will exist and relationships will happen. I do know a lot of alums that are in relationships — alums that weren't in relationships while at Middlebury.

Yes, I know, relationships do happen at Middlebury (in fact, maybe it's a senior thing, but there are a lot more couples popping up in my group of friends lately) — it just seems like there are two extremes: just hooking up and the very, very serious relationship. Where is that middle ground? Perhaps on a campus of overachievers we aren't able to do anything halfway so it's all or nothing. An interesting hypothesis at least. Or maybe it's just something in the mountain air.