She Said...

Author: Jen LaRosa Staff Writer

"Hooking up" or "going out": what exactly happened to dating? Isn't that the thing you do between these two extremes? You know, where customarily the guy takes the girl to dinner and conversation ensues. Then, after a lovely evening of good old-fashioned fun, they drive or walk home and a goodnight kiss (or more if it went especially well) ends the evening. This concept seems foreign to students at Middlebury College, and at all colleges for that matter. But let's not limit this analysis to just dating; what about all aspects of the college relationship scene (or hook-up scene, as the case may be)? Here is a little inside scoop as to how women at Middlebury view the situation (men, get out your notepads).

After discussing a number of issues with female students around campus, I've found that a general consensus (or at least agreeable conclusion) can be drawn that accurately represents the female perspective of the college dating scene. When it comes to random hook-ups on campus, no one doubts their origins. Guys and girls can all say thanks to the source of their instant gratification: beer. After throwing around the issue of random, drunken hook-ups with some innocent female bystanders who didn't know what was coming to them, I've concluded that no one seems to have a definitive stance on whether or not they are wholly good or bad. The majority of females believe that they do promote the idea that sexual satisfaction without emotional involvement is commonplace and acceptable but sometimes a young and willing students just need a night where they can indulge themselves without any repercussions. But, how far is too far? Can anything real and successful ever result from a random night with a stranger? Most female students believe it is difficult to build a good relationship if its origins are based solely on sexual attraction. The problem at Middlebury, and most likely at all colleges nowadays, is that this is the way it is done. No one courts anymore or calls that someone they have their eye on in the middle of the week to take a drive to Burlington to see a movie. People wait for the weekend to call that someone they want to hook up with.

There seems to be two extremes: long-term relationships and drunken one-nighters. Many women wonder whatever happened to casual dating as a means to get to know someone. Random hook-ups occur more often than not with practical



She Still Says...

strangers, while getting together with a guy friend would just be weird. The best solution seems to be a happy medium that has unfortunately become obsolete in these momentous college years.

Then of course there is always that ever-popular, notorious solution that combines the best of both worlds: 'friends with benefits.' Here's the problem: some men are able to separate sex and emotion whereas women will inevitably combine the two, even though terms of the contract may have been predetermined. This, in turn, leads to the inevitable discussions we girls tend to have with a few of our closest peer psychiatrists, in which we analyze every move and intonation of our "special friend."

So, once our psychiatrists determine our illnesses, diagnose us and send us on your way with a clean bill of health, why do so many of us relapse? After a clean break with a hook-up buddy, an ex-boyfriend or that "special friend," many female students acknowledge that it is extremely common to fall right back into their old routine with their old partner. This seems to happen either due to hope of rekindling that so-called old flame or perhaps simply for the instant satisfaction. Whether one can handle this relapse is the determining factor in whether or not it is a healthy mode of action.

Relationships among students within a college campus are a very specific, complex and emotionally exhausting experience. While both men and women do find momentary contentment in random hook-ups, female college students do express the desire for more in the long run. The college experience nowadays is very spontaneous and very fleeting, which may be adequate and satisfactory, but many wonder what ever happened to exceptional.