WHAT ABOUT BOB?

Author: Bob Wainwright

I have a proposal to make. This Friday, once classes are over, let's all leave Vermont. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm serious. I think we should

all leave New England for a week, go somewhere warm, then look up the Vermont weather forecast and decide if it's best to return or not.

Either way, that's what I'm planning to do. I decided on it this morning, when, after picking out the last few granules of Australian sand from my

belly button, I became nostalgic for the ocean. I must admit, I really do miss those warm spring days by the Pacific, lying on the sand at Bondi Beach, a good book held over my head, my sunglasses firmly in place, the turning of a page every now and then, and of course, my peripheral vision. Ah yes, I don't think great literature has ever been so enjoyable. Speaking of vacations though, I just remembered I wanted to tell you

something that I read in a newspaper. "What is it?" you ask. Well, it's a loosely bound bundle of newsprint that summarizes the previous day's headlines and is usually split up into sections such as news,

features, sports, etc. But that's not the point. The article that I'm referring to basically explained that the Immigration

and Naturalization Service of the U.S. is reeling from embarrassment after a Florida flight school received visa extensions for two of the hijackers

killed on September 11. I'm sure many of you have already heard this, but for those who haven't, there you go. I don't even think a joke is necessary. Apparently though, a major shakeup within the Immigration Service is already underway. First, the top four people in the organization were relieved two days ago, but after being told that "being relieved" is another way of saying "you're fired," all four felt really bad. Second,the Service then hired Angela's bouncer and plans to pay him 50 bucks for every deceased terrorist's visa that he manages to procure before they are mailed. More changes may be in the works, however, after today's controversial report that Osama bin Laden received his Massachusetts state learner's permit in the mail on Friday. According to Homeland Security Adviser Tom Ridge, this latest mishap is even more embarrassing than the visas, seeing as how it is clear that bin Laden didn't even pass his eye exam.We know this, of course, because bin Laden's vision of the world is totally distorted. And on that note, have a good break. I'm out of here!