WHAT ABOUT BOB?

Author: Bob Wainwright

Now that the year is almost over, it's important for all of us to take a step back and ponder for a few seconds what it is that we have learned. In my case, junior year was actually split into two halves: the first in Australia, the second at Middlebury.

So, in an effort to compare the two, let's see how they stack up in the tale of the tape.

Scariest part of the day: Navigating the salad bar line at Proctor without being pushed by people when all you want is a piece of meat vs. Navigating Australian waters where you are a piece of meat. Advantage: Midd.

Popular Misconception: They're all a bunch of preppy New Englanders who drive Jeep Cherokees vs. They all drink Fosters. Advantage: Australia (because the first misconception is debatable).

Happy Hour: 4-6 at Amigo's vs. 9 a.m. to 12p.m. on the beach. Advantage: Australia.

Founded as: A small Yale vs. A big jail. Advantage: Midd.

Can be seen hopping around: Kangaroos vs. Giddy deans with excess energy. Advantage: Australia.

Constantly surrounded by: snowy graves vs. tasty waves. Advantage: Australia.

Road kill: "A raccoon, how sad!" vs."There's our dinner!" Advantage: Midd.

Too many: People for parking spaces vs. Parking spaces for people. Advantage: Australia.

In danger of becoming extinct: Koalas vs. The social house system. Advantage: Midd (those furry creatures are much cuter than the people in social houses).

Divided up into: Five states that have no bearing on everyday life vs. Five commons that have no bearing on everyday life. Advantage: Push.

Places where native inhabitants dwell, employing their own way of life: The Australian outback vs. The A-Frames. Advantage: Midd.

Can injure yourself: Skydiving, bungee jumping or scuba diving vs. Walking to Bi-Hall in January. Advantage: Australia.

Has never emerged from the shadow of: England vs. Williams. Advantage: Push (both situations are equally detestable).

Oxymoron: Australia Government organization vs. Middlebury Student governed body. Advantage: Australia (at least it's out in the open).

Entire population brought together by: The Olympic Games vs. Guster. Advantage: Australia.

Athletic supremacy: World Champion Wallabies vs. Hosting Regionals for men's and women's lacrosse and men's tennis this weekend. Advantage: No doubt about it, Midd.

So, there you have it. By the tale of the tape this sure was a close one but Australia ends up on top, 9-7. I hope everyone has a great summer. Just promise me you'll all wear sunscreen. See you in September!