COLUMN Chops Talks

Author: Alan Topalian

The marquee pitching matchup in this year's World Series will be Jarrod Washburn against Livan Hernandez, two immortals sure to lock up in an exhilarating thrill ride from start to finish. Clemens versus the Big Unit has nothing on this, as baseball fans' excitement hits a crescendo heading into the Fall Classic. Be sure to have the VCR ready on Saturday, because for sheer drama, nothing can top watching the Series' lone superstar, Barry Bonds, being intentionally walked more often than he's allowed to hit. Indeed, this will be a true series for the ages.
Although I'm a die-hard Red Sox fan, I'm actually sad to see the World Series without the Yankees. Rooting against the Yanks has developed into a postseason tradition, and as sweet as it was to see Jeter and the rest of his buddies with that stupid, foolish, stunned look on their faces in Anaheim, they actually gave October baseball a special meaning to me and to all the other devoted Yankee haters worldwide. The playoffs feel empty without them, because whether you love them or hate them, they're always entertaining.
Baseball is fun during the summer, but unless your team is still alive in October, football ruins baseball during the fall. By now, it's harder to appreciate watching batters calling timeouts, commercial breaks during pitching changes and pickoff attempts. Once you're in football mode, these little baseball idiosyncrasies become intolerable and almost unwatchable.
This year's Fall Classic makes a complete mockery of the term "classic." It's going to be tough to watch, given the fact that the Angels are just a little more intriguing as a group than the Devil Rays. Are there any big Troy Glaus admirers out there? No? What about Garret Anderson? Both put together big years, but I didn't have a clue until a week ago, and I still don't care about it. But it is still the World Series so we'll just have to watch. To make it more palatable, I've come up with a few distractions that might decrease viewer apathy.
1: David Eckstein enjoys the unique status of being either loved or hated by everyone. Some appreciate the fact that a little guy without a lot of natural tools has come so far with hard work and sheer determination. Others are bitter because that little guy who throws like he's heaving a shot put is still in the majors, scrapping out weak hits with his choked-up grip.
2: Watch for shots of Livan Hernandez eating doughnuts in the dugout. I swear I saw him do that during the divisional series, and it explains in part the fact that you may not recognize him from his Marlins days.
3: I'll be interested to see how long it takes all these enthusiastic Anaheim fans to fall back off the bandwagon next year. They sure seem to be having fun with the rally monkeys and the noise-making sticks, but by April most won't remember why they ever had them.