COLUMN Zigs' Picks

Author: Zach Allen

Where to start an NFL column this week? The headline on the Chicago Bears Web site reads: "Struggling Bears Vow to Rebound." Yes, well ... I don't suspect there's much chance of that happening, at least not with that hapless dupe Chris Chandler at the helm of a 2-5 team with no running game. If I were running the Bears' front office, writing out biweekly checks to Chandler, I would have that lousy old codger locked in a damn box and pushed out to sea. Words cannot express how horrible it was to watch that arthritis-ridden wind bag stagger around the Metrodome for three hours like some kind of diseased wino last Sunday.
Chandler is not the only problem for the Bears, though. They can't run the ball effectively and their defense is porous. I dread this weeks' matchup with the Eagles. It will be a hideous farce. Eagles fans are a wretched bunch. I hate their franchise as a rule, but Donovan McNabb is one of the top three players in the league right now, and they will win on Sunday.
That aside ... Baltimore v. Atlanta: Atlanta is a force coming off a huge win. Michael Vick is astounding, and "No Ray Lewis" equals Atlanta win.
New England v. Buffalo: Ah, it will be fun to watch a quality NFL starter like Drew Bledsoe clinic that phony Tom Brady (read: Jeff Hostetler). I can't wait. Take Buffalo, it's my lock of the week.
Pittsburgh v. Cleveland: Will be a good game. Tommy Maddox's status is uncertain. If he plays, Steelers win, if not, I'll take the Browns.
Detroit v. Dallas. There seems to be universal dissatisfaction with Emmitt Smith now holding the rushing record, except among the assorted yahoos gathered on the Dallas sideline last week to watch the spectacle. I like Joey Harrington, and the specter of Quincy Carter as your backup quarterback is too much for any team to overcome. The upstart Lions take it.
Tennessee v. Indianapolis: Who cares? Indianapolis. Minnesota v. Tampa Bay: I like watching Rob Johnson get smacked around every time he drops back to throw, and if Randy Moss makes bail in time for the game the Vikings will upset the Bucs. Cincinnati v. Houston: The Bengals are defunct, and I don't think anyone would complain if the franchise were sold to China tomorrow. Texans win on the back of Johnny Carwash.
St. Louis v. Arizona: I suspect this might be a decent game, and without knowing who will be playing quarterback for the Rams, I'll take Arizona. Jacksonville v. N.Y. Giants: The Giants weren't really all that bad on Monday night, but I don't like watching the team in prime time, and because ESPN is forcing me to do just that again, I will pick the Jags out of spite ... which leaves time for Green Bay to beat Miami on Monday night. So, those are the picks, and since there is space left: Eagles fans are coarse.