Physique and Food An Ongoing Struggle

Author: Barokka Khairani

On Oct. 18, Julie Fisher '95 spoke candidly about her severe eating disorders during her time at Middlebury College. Fisher described her Middlebury experience as "four years of hell with a few sunny days," largely due to the constant anxiety, denial and guilt that she felt as a victim of binge eating, anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa.
Fisher's presentation to a mostly female audience was done in an effort to raise awareness about the harsh realities of eating disorders.
Current national statistics show that one-in-10 American college-age women are affected by some form of eating disorder and 1,000 women die due to this every year.
Fisher recalled her impression of Middlebury as a first-year student in 1991. "Everyone looked like they'd stepped out of a J. Crew catalogue. I was going through my 'crunchy' stage. In high school, I'd felt beautiful. Here everyone was beautiful, and I felt ugly." This dramatic change in her self-image quickly manifested itself in many tears and destructive behavior.
During her first several months at Middlebury, Fisher felt like "a balloon floating around in the air, withdrawn and out of place and nobody was reaching up to pull me back to the ground." She failed to make the same kind of connections she'd had in high school. "When I was at home, my heart was full," she said. "I got here and I felt like someone put a vacuum up to my heart." As a result of her emotions of emptiness, Fisher began to feed her body more and more. This was binge eating.
It did not matter how much she was eating but how she was eating: excessively, without compensatory behavior. Soon after she began to "make up" for her added weight by throwing up. Fisher's impulse to vomit quickly grew out of control and she "did it a lot, and it was always really painful for me … sticking my finger up my throat 20 times."
She went out of her way to hide her behavior from other people, lying constantly and seeking solitude in bathrooms throughout campus as she experienced the pain of bulimia nervosa.
A turning point came when she finally told a friend about her condition — something she said is "the best thing I've ever done." But Fisher's recovery from bulimia nervosa involved over-exercise, overeating, restricted eating and generally obsessive-compulsive behavior. During that time Fisher "stayed away from people. My life was so completely out of control. The only thing I could control was my body."
With the help and support of several therapists, a nutritionist, family and friends and activities such as yoga, Fisher finally recovered. Four years after her destructive first year of college, Fisher's metabolism returned to normal, and she left behind the effects of her eating disorders, including hair loss, bad skin, hypoglycemia, diarrhea, sinus problems, poor circulation and extreme physical and mental exhaustion.
As a senior majoring in women's and gender studies, Fisher became active in addressing eating disorders on campus. In 1995, she worked as a research assistant for a study conducted by Yonna McShane, director of the Health and Wellness Education Office at Middlebury. A survey of 400 randomly selected female Middlebury students (90 percent participated) revealed that 17 percent were bulimic, anorexic or suffered from some other unspecified form of eating disorder. Fifty percent indicated "significant to severe distress associated with food." McShane commented that this figure is "typical, but on the high end" of the prevalence of eating disorders on campus and that "the 1995 study helped to increase efforts for prevention as well as intervention."
McShane said she hopes that another study will occur within a year or two to determine current Middlebury statistics. Self-image and eating disorders at the College campus are part of a larger national issue. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa or binge eating affect more than five million Americans a year — 5 percent are adolescent and adult women, 1 percent are adult men.
McShane recognized the feelings of embarrassment, denial and shame commonly held by people with eating disorders, but encouraged anyone experiencing anxiety problems related to eating behavior to seek help at the Parton Health Center.
"There is a support group on campus," McShane said."People should know that they are not alone." The College also provides individual and nutritional counseling. Fisher strongly believes in seeking help. "It's OK, you'll make it somehwere really good," she noted, "because I did."