Bob's Rapid Fire Five Questions With Katie the Presidentially Pardoned Turkey

Author: Bob Wainwright

Bob: Katie, thanks for joining us. Last week, you became the first female turkey to be pardoned by a United States president. What are your thoughts on George W?
Katie: I think he's a great big turkey.
Bob: Isn't that kind of harsh considering the man saved your life?
Katie: No, no.You misunderstand. That's the greatest compliment a turkey can give a man.
Bob: I see. So tell me, did the pardon come as a surprise?
Katie: Absolutely. I thought for sure I'd be in a casserole or a soup by now. I knew something was up a few months ago down at the farm, when we started being fed so well. And then a few weeks ago, Tom, my fiance, just disappeared. Next it was Agnes, then Laura, Sam and so on. I thought it was just a matter of time before I was the one running around in circles with my head chopped off.
Bob: A turkey running around in circles. Talk about poultry in motion. Now, you mention your fiance. Can you give us any insight into a turkey's love life?
Katie: Things definitely heat up before Thanksgiving. Male turkeys love themselves, so they're always throwing around comments like: "Are those breasts real?" and "Did you lose weight or did somebody start carving you already?" My mom would turn over in her grave if she heard such bad pick-up lines.
Bob: Don't you mean your mom would turn over in her gravy?
Katie: That's foul.
Bob: Nice poulet ... I mean play on words.
Katie: Thanks. It usually takes me about five hours to get cookin'.
Bob: Ha! Tell us, what would your ideal Thanksgiving be like?
Katie: That's easy. I'd bake one of those tofurkeys vegetarians like. Then I'd throw in a DVD of "Chicken Run" and get wasted.
Bob: Don't you mean "basted"?
Katie: That's it. I'm leaving.
Bob: Aw, don't get your feathers all ruffled. I'll make it up to you. Why don't you come to my house for dinner tonight? You can be the official guest of honor.
Katie: What are you having?
Bob: Oh, I'm sure I'll be able to rustle up something.