COLUMN Zigs' Picks

Author: Zachariah Allen

Well, it certianly was nice of The Campus to ask me back for another sports column, even if I was their third or fourth pick for the job. But nonetheless, they have given me the opportunity to extend my miserable record of NFL picks in their fine paper.
So let's get down to it.
Only a demented fool would try to make sense of the American Football Conference (AFC). All of the well-dressed commentators on ESPN essentially say they have no idea what is going to happen in the conference, but since I hold no status with regards to the matter, I will pick the Broncos to beat the Jets, Indianapolis to trump Tennesse, and Pittsbrugh to best Houston.
It makes my stomach uneasy to write it, but I suspect the Chargers will knock off the Raiders again, as they have the superior running game and the Raiders looked uninspired on Monday night.
I don't like Tom Brady, for some reason. It is now widely accepted that he only succeeds by dumping the ball off underneath and letting Anotwain Smith do all the work. Which is fine, I guess, but it is not for me. I will take Drew Bledsoe his Bills to beat the Patriots, even though the first time I did this I was subjected to a considerable amount of grief and humiliation.
I can't help but think the Browns will make the playoffs, and so I'll take them to beat the Jaguars, although I think I would want about three and a half points on that one. There could be nothing to top the elation of seeing Kurt Warner get flogged like a wet chicken all over the cold, hard turf of Veterans Stadium last Sunday.
By the third quarter the Eagles were after him like a gang of barbarous wolverines, and every time he stepped back to throw he was pounced on and savagely pummeled to the ground. It was a glorious thing to watch: Mike Martz couldn't even make eye contact with his quarterback, and poor old Kurt had tears welling in his eyes as he limped off the field in front of the packed house of wild drunken Philadelphia hooligans.
Hey Kurt -- if you're going to thank God after your Superbowl wins, have the decency to thank him for not splintering your knees last Sunday ... which reminds me, Eagles over whomever they might be playing, and Chiefs over Jamie Martin's Rams.
On a final note, I will take the Giants to beat the Redskins. Michael Vick is good. He will beat the Bucs. We are all looking forward to watching the Bears dismantle the Dolphins on Monday night, in what is sure to be the last game the Bears will ever play in a primetime television slot.