82-Year-Old Del Sanders Gets By With A Little Help From Nina Patry

Author: Ryan Gamble

Nina Patry, coordinator of international student records, recently became the guardian of Del Sanders, an 82-year-old man who suffers from cognitive disabilities due to a stroke and lives in a nursing home. Patry spoke to The Middlebury Campus about her experience, which she says has been educational and life-changing.

The Campus: How did you come to know Del Sanders?
Patry: I have known Del since 1989, when he began renting the small apartment in our home. Del was retired when I met him, and lived a very "organized" life - army influence, I suppose. He spent most of his time at home (in the summer he would check my gardens out back, especially the tomatoes, which he loves; in the winter he would talk to me while I shoveled the driveway, etc.). He has a dry, "grinch-like" sense of humor, and would often tease me - when I was gardening in the flowerbeds he'd say, "Why would you waste time growing something you can't eat?"
Then he'd turn around and water the flowers for me, and ask if we could have a certain one this year that he had particularly liked last year. Del always kept an eye on everything that was going on, both at our place and in the neighborhood.
He would come out whenever either my husband or I were outside, to chat for awhile. He was always ready to visit. In recent years, we'd have him bring his newspaper to us in the morning after he'd read it. Usually we'd see him every morning before we left for work.
One day I noticed that he was missing from his apartment. I called the police department and the hospital. It turned out that he had been driving when he had a stroke. He was on the wrong side of the road, but luckily someone stopped him and took him to the hospital.

The Campus: Does Del have any relatives or good friends that take care of him? Why did you decide to become his guardian?
Patry: Well, Del has relatives that live in Johnstown, Pa., a 10-hour drive from Rutland. But he hadn't seen them in 10 years. I had thought that Del was more or less on his own, but as I got more involved, I found out that he actually had quite a few good friends. One friend, Tom, met Del years ago when Tom had just graduated from high school and went to work at a local company where Del worked.
They became friends for life, despite the age difference and Del taught Tom to rock climb.
They also went cross-country skiing together. Tom visits Del at least every other day, often with his (Tom's) wife. We saw Tom at the nursing home, and he told us how Del spent 45 minutes tying knots one day - never tying the same knot twice.
Another friend, Nancy, is a woman who works as a bartender at the VFW [Veterans of Foreign Wars post], where Del went faithfully every day. Nancy made Del bring in his blood pressure on a slip of paper to show her every day before she would serve him. She would help him remember his appointments with doctors and so on. When Del was in the hospital, Nancy visited every day.
These are the sort of things I've learned about Del since becoming his guardian. I know him so much better, and in such a different way, than I ever did in the almost 15 years he was our tenant.

The Campus: How is Del doing now in the nursing home? How does he interact with other people?
Patry: Del's cognitive abilities are impaired due to the stroke - he forgets people's names and has trouble recalling memories.
But while at times these difficulties dominate my interaction with him, sometimes his real personality will come out. Del comes off as a grinch at first, but he has a good heart and an irresistibly dry sense of humor. He has a cat named Gracey that I've taken care of for him. The first day I walked in he said to me, "You're Gracey!" So he remembers some things, but often gets confused.

The Campus: Can you talk more about Del's background? What did he do with his life?
Patry: Del was in the Tenth Mountain Division of the Army. When he joined the division he actually didn't even know how to ski, but he quickly became an expert skier, and he was given a lifetime pass to Killington. George, who was in the 10th Mountain Brigade with Del, has known him forever. I have not yet met George, but understand that he has visited. Del went on to found a survival school in Alaska. A lifetime outdoorsman, his hobbies included rock climbing, hiking and fishing.

The Campus: What do you feel you've learned from your experience with Del?
Patry: Well, firstly I was really surprised how difficult and time consuming it is to become a guardian. Being someone's guardian is very much like adopting (or even having) a child, [and] is a way to support community and people taking care of others.
I had to go to court hearings and present doctors' and psychologists' examinations proving that Del needs a guardian. And handling Del's finances and documents has proven to be a tremendous amount of work. As guardian, you are responsible for decisions about the ward's healthcare, finances (paying bills, tax prep, etc.), belongings, etc. Certain events, such as care meetings and especially appearances at Probate Court must be attended by the guardian. No one else can take the guardian's place at the court hearings.
I would encourage others to explore and accept this responsibility, should it come their way. It is a lot of work, and offers a great deal in return.

The Campus: When you go to the nursing home, what kind of activities do you do with Del?
Patry: Well, I found some pictures of his in his apartment, and I show them to him and try to get him to remember things about his life. I also take him on walks regularly. I know he likes the outdoors so I try to get him out as much as possible.

The Campus: What has been the most valuable part of your experience with Del?
Patry: Being a guardian is one way to enhance a sense of community, which is too often fragmented in our society. I really feel that a lot of people have come together in the common interest of taking care of Del. The people who work at the nursing home care about him and what they're doing.
Even with his dementia, Del has this magnetic personality that people really take to, and out of a common desire to take care of Del a community of people has formed.