Holt's Harangue

Author: Christain Holt

Wanted: room with bed, windows and heating. Willing to trade: tent down by Otter Creek. Okay, so I didn't exactly get the best room for room draw. Actually, I didn't get a room at all. I plan on just living in the tent, dining on whatever fish swim by in Otter Creek and maybe stealing survival items from the local merchants.
But it could have been worse. I could have been kicked out of my commons. Yes, my tent by the creek is an extension of Lang's most southern wing. And I'm damn lucky to have that, even. Most of my fellow Rossers were kicked out of their Milliken homes, becoming commons refugees, forced to live on the street, or worse, Coffrin.
I think how we conduct room draw could be improved. I think the idea of lining up every soon-to-be-sophomore who doesn't have a cool friend with a low number or a ticket to a special interest house should not have to be subjugated to further humiliation.
My buddies and I tried to get a block. But a triple digit number doesn't get you much. We had naÔve hopes that maybe everyone looked over that four-single suite with a hot tub and kitchen with built-in cook. Hey, it could happen. But the room draw ladies didn't have to laugh at us.
But there was one block open, and it seemed perfect. I pointed to it on the building floor plans. They glanced at each other, grim looks on their faces. I noticed sweat on their brows. "Sir, are you sure you want that one...?"
I answered affirmatively, quietly wondering what could spook these people so.
They spoke in whispered tones. I heard the words "Haunted," "Deathtrap" and "Rubber Duck" in there somewhere.
They told me that I couldn't have that room. They said it was "substance free."
So I spent a total of three hours in McCullough on Thursday. Block draw got me nothing, Ross got me less. Being bored, I thought back to orientation.
They told all of us young 'uns that we will love the commons system, that our commons would be like a family to us for the next four years. Like most kids, this reminded me of that scene in Harry Potter with the sorting hat. Our commons are just like the houses in Harry Potter, complete with our year-long intramural competition. Only, instead of Quidditch, we have Broomball.
Everyone takes pride in their commons, whether they are the mighty flying pigs or the lowly owls.
And instead of Slytherin, we have Cook. I mean, any commons that hosts such a cheating bunch of lousy broomball ruffians. Ahem. As I was saying, one gets attached to their commons and develops a fanatical loyalty to it, snubbing the other, weaker commons, sometimes even spreading rumors about them (Voldemort was from Cook).
The sorting hat sent me to Ross because I'm courageous, loyal, and value wisdom. Over the last year I've taken pride in being a Rosser. Now though, Ross is being disbanded. The upperclassmen have taken it over. I don't think all of them are courageous, loyal and value wisdom. Some of them probably cut in line at room draw.
My friends and I have been scattered to the different commons, and I think that's a shame. If we want to make room draw more user-friendly, and reinforce the community of the commons system, why not reserve some rooms for sophomores, so that the commons are kept intact? While the administration ponders this, I'll be in the tent by Otter Creek - with my dragon.