Zigs' Picks Also the Last One...Was Anyone Counting?

Author: Zach Allen

There is much to deal with here in the waning days of my tenure at The Middlebury Campus. I flat out missed my deadline last week, much to the chagrin of my editors, who were no doubt horribly upset at not having their 450 words of back-page gibberish.
At any rate, this is a fantastic time of year for the sports enthusiast, with funky action everywhere you look, left and right: hockey playoffs, basketball playoffs, castrated horses running wild in Kentucky, the NFL Draft, Premier League soccer, baseball...and wouldn't you know it, the sporting airwaves are being fouled with lame garbage about two collegiate coaches being fired for unbecoming conduct.
I have made no secret of my outright disdain for the American sporting press in the past; it is a generally wretched group of hopeless dingbats with the overall appeal of a thuggish gang of "pre-owned" car salesmen with lots of time on their hands. In any decent socio-economic system they would be confined to peeling potatoes in underground lockers, where they wouldn't be able to spew their bile all over the newspapers and airwaves of America.
So, we have Larry Eustachy, previously basketball coach at Iowa State, who is apparently a perverted sot whose evenings consisted of quietly reviewing game film over a quiet fifth of Jack Daniel's before going to check up on the girls at the Delta Tau sorority. Larry seemed content with this until his picture was plastered all over America, drunk as an owl, slobbering on some frosh from Ames or Des Moines, Iowa, in the throes of what can only be described as a certifiable fit of madness.
Then there is Mike Price, formerly Alabama football coach. Mike went out and spent his hard-earned dollars at a strip club a couple weeks ago, before going back to a hotel with a hooker. Well... shucks. I guess I always just assumed this to be standard fare for a coach of a major SEC football program, one of the perks you know? But apparently not, and the real kick of it is he probably would've gotten away with it if his whore hadn't had the appetite of an elephant the next morning, ordering over $1,000 worth of brunch for herself and Mikey...
If an NCAA coach wants to get liquored up and caress a member of his school's female body, he should get fired. If a coach wants to go out and get wild with some hookers, he should find ones with more discretion than to order $1,000 worth of flapjacks the next morning.
Especially when he is in The Bible belt.