T.I.M. This Is Me

Author: Tom McCann and Ryan Reese

"Terminator" had one, so too did "Home Alone," "Mighty Ducks," "Rocky" and unfortunately "Speed," so it should come as no surprise that TIM has one, too.

This is the sequel to the blockbuster, chart-topping, best-selling column that began two weeks ago to chronicle the life of Tim Bellis '06, your average student here at Middlebury College.

Last time we introduced to you the Girlfriend Exchange Program (GEP) initiated with the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Joy, the lead candidate for Tim's heart not long ago, has been joined in the race by two other contenders for the throne. Crystal '06 and Jill '06 have staked their claim with e-mails to Timmers that set the young lad's pulse racing.

It remains unclear to this point with whom Tim would be most likely to sit at the table of commitment. He is hoping for some new candidates to come from you, the readers. Don't keep him waiting.

Besides trying to balance multiple girls yearning for his adoration, the man himself has been busy being the quirky bugger that he is. In one small, isolated and utterly moronic incident two weeks ago, Tim made a frantic phone call from his car claiming that his gas had disappeared. "A hole in my tank? Did someone siphon my gas? What's going on? How can I get to Burlington in an hour if I have a hole in my gas tank?"

A disaster? Absolutely not. A hole in the tank? No. Siphoned gas? Not a chance. Just a bad read on your gauge. Get back in the car, Tim, turn on the engine and drive.

Tim made it back that day all by himself and, continuing the adventure, soon found himself on his way heading to New York City with six of his best friends for Fall Break.

In Times Square, he pointed out his favorite ad, the giant steaming Cup of Noodles. He also pointed out Central Park and a restaurant named "Mexican Restaurant," which he admires due to his similar inability to come up with creative names, i.e. his stuffed animals from when he was little: "Bunny" (a small, grey rabbit), "Brown Doggie" (you can probably guess) and finally a bear in a Mets uniform, named, of course, "Mets Bear."

His friend Mercy made the mistake of assuming that Tim would refer to Julie, his dog, as "Julie the Dog" but was clearly wrong when Tim pounced on her, which resulted, inadvertently, in Mercy's head gushing blood. Needless to say, after this incident, he apologized and told her that she could call the dog whatever she wanted to.

Tim also spiced up the trip with a handstand competition in the middle of New York's Grand Central Terminal, during which Tim easily defeated the field of three contestants. He also dominated a rave style ping-pong competition lit only by a single black light.

It wasn't just any Fall Break, it was an oasis, a utopia, one of the greatest trips of Tim's life. After a journey of such unparalleled success anywhere in the United States by anyone going on any vacation for any reason, Tim is looking for that special someone to share it with next time. There are few better vacationers than Tim. If you want to be a part of the next one, want to be a GEP candidate or just want to be part of his life, don't hesitate to get in touch.

Advice, date requests, help, comments, suggestions, Tim does it all. E-mail timthisisme@hotmail.com - he's waiting for you.