The Deserted Bandwagon

Author: MATT KUNZWEILER

We all know that countless students show up to college ready to reinvent themselves. Whether or not this is done consciously, these aspiring socialites all attempt to manufacture a vaguely similar persona for themselves. They want to be "chill."

In college, there is no greater compliment than being called "chill" - a term that has lost its currency because of the student body's willingness to apply it to anyone who goes with the flow, listens to Phish or wears sandals when it's a lil' chilly.

Yeah, that guy is totally chill. He just likes to chill. You know. Kick back, drink a few brews, but not overdoing it. I mean, he's been known to rock out on occasion and drink more than a few, but he's chill about it. You know. You can always drop by his pad and just BS for a while, but if you want to get serious and talk about life and philosophy and maybe even God, he won't shy away. But yeah, he's just chill.

This is the "chill ideal," a state where a person needs only expend little or zero effort to appear affable and socially benign. (Some level of marijuana use is implied.) There is a charming passivity, and people are attracted to the young men and women who possess these characteristics since they are so fantastically difficult to piss off. We appreciate this in our friends.

I don't know if I could ever fulfill the chill ideal. If you have read this column more than once, you might have discovered that I have a few offensive opinions, which I don't always hide too well, and in addition to this, I am capable of stressing out because of my school work. This disqualifies me. But I'm working on it. Only, by working on it, I'll be expending energy towards the goal of being chill. This won't work. Being chill is all about expending zero energy - a catch-22 for those of us who like to give it our all.

But there are imposters among us. Those who go thrift store shopping with the goal of assembling a wardrobe that advertises a laid-back attitude - a perfect coordination of colors, patterns and fabrics that add up to an effortless, preternatural sense of style. These same people will invest 20 solid minutes in the morning styling their hair so that it looks like they woke up five minutes before class. If asked by a friend if they use a hair product, they will blame the lustrous quality of their hair on the fact that they haven't shampooed in a couple of days.

Chill is the new cool and everybody wants in. But I'm suspicious now. "Chill" may be a façade, hiding the fact that someone is jaded, spastic, twisted, desperate or otherwise human. Don't be fooled by the Miles Davis poster in my room.