Waking up across the room from the one you love...

Author: Polly johnson & Lisie Mehlman

It's that time of year again - that time when the truth is revealed and friendships are destroyed. Yep, it's room draw. Seeing as our time as roommates is drawing to a close, and many of you are selecting your own future roommates, we thought we might offer up some sage words of advice for maximizing the pleasure of suite living. Nevermind that, among the four of us in our Gifford suite, we have changed our sheets three times - cumulatively. It might be impossible to ever see any trace of the puke-red carpeting we ordered from Alldorm.com at the beginning of the year, but none of this really matters when you love who you live with and follow a few simple suite rules. So that you might find cohabitation as pleasing as we did, we have compiled a fail-proof list of how-to's and what-not-to-do's.

1. No talking in the morning. There's just no need for weak attempts at pleasant banter while you are trying to cover up the fact that you are about to run to Twilight in the same clothes you slept in (and wore to the library the night before).


2. Bathroom door always open is protocol. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?


3. Hygienic items are made for sharing. Expect that your loofahs, razors, deodorant and toothbrushes will be used by all your roommates when you are not around. You really know you've found lasting friendships when you can identify each roommate's brand and size of tampons.


4. Throw away moldy food and rank alcohol, unless you have the patience to shut every window and door and risk looking like MJ with a mask while being forced to RAID the entire suite. Toxins kill.


5. After dropping your roommate's toiletry product in the toilet, remove it, maybe run it under warm water and never mention the incident again.


6. Buy a lock box for your food, otherwise the scavenging roommate who lurks in your room after the Grille has closed up shop for the night will steal it while you are sleeping or still in Bi-Hall.


7. Talk to each other online every day, even when sitting in adjacent beds less than three feet from each other. Spice things up with nonverbal communication.


8. If you really can't handle the squalor anymore, plan a party. It must have a theme, obvi.


9. Shower. Leave all empty shampoo and conditioner bottles on the floor. They will magically disappear.


10. Upon arrival, immediately purchase requisite build-your-own over-the-toilet shelving unit that prohibits sitting upright. You'll discover its joys on your own.


11. Make "getting ready" together a tradition. Think about it. It's Friday night. It's 9:30 p.m. and you have an hour before you need to start drinking. You are in your towel and your hair is wet. The sink is overflowing with every hair appliance that has the potential for electrocution. Your roommates are hogging the mirror. You've never loved them more.


12. Always walk around in your bra and underwear.When your guy friends enter they will inevitably ask if anyone is naked, to which the response will most often be yes. You'll make a lot of guy friends.


13. After a party, do not take down the decorations. Let them accumulate until your suite is a hodgepodge of Dollar Store finds with a real charm of its own.

14. Avoid awkward roommate interruptions by simply practicing abstinence. Seriously, it's the only real contraception.

15. Make sure you have a crimper. It will never cease to entertain you and will bring you that much closer to your one and only college roomie. Roomies fo' life.