Ball 5

Author: Justin Golenbock

In the inferior 1994 sequel to the hilarious baseball comedy Major League, Omar Epps reprises Wesley Snipes' role in the original as Willie Mays Hayes, the Indians' stylish speedster who unsuccessfully tries to turn himself into a power hitter for promotional purposes. On a related note, Scott Podsednik, the speedy leadoff hitter for the White Sox who went 507 regular season at-bats without a homerun, jacked his second of the playoffs Sunday Night to "Walk-Off" with Game 2 of the World Series. Simply one of the classic homeruns in World Series history, and perfect that Podsednik, the crucial cog all season to the White Sox attacking style of small-ball, should get to hit it. If you haven't been watching, you're missing a pretty unbelievable run by this sad-sack franchise that hadn't won a playoff series since 1917.

"Well, the Indians finally have a runner," slurs drunken and depressed Cleveland commentator Bob Uecker in Major League 2, "I think I'll wet my pants." Uecker could teach Joe Buck and Tim McCarver a thing or three about announcing a baseball game, but I'd rather not waste words on Fox. Frankly I'd prefer to waste them writing up the rules of the Tim McCarver drinking game running around the internet ("...drink when Tim uses a multi-syllable word incorrectly, drink when Tim states the obvious likes it's a profound insight, drink...") than on that embarrassment of a network. The point is...umm...well, there are two obvious directions this column could go in: 1) shine the spotlight on McCarver's fake head of hair and rank him (low) among history's greatest bald athletes, a list spearheaded by MJ (check his '88 footage before he shaved) and footnoted by your favorite syndicated columnist, who can only be like Mike in the one regard. Or 2) talk about Alexander Cartwright.

Baseball as we play it will forever be indebted to "Mr. Baseball," who organized the first modern game on June 19, 1846, at Elysian Fields in Hoboken, N.J. Though Cartwright's "Knickerbockers" got smoked 23-1 by their rivals, "The New York Nine," he first standardized 20 rules, including equidistant base-paths, three strikes to an out, three outs to an inning, and fair/foul designations of play. Less well-known to history is his afterlife. In '49 he struck west after California gold, determined to teach the game he loved in each town he traveled through. Cartwright brought baseball first to California, where it has flourished, and eventually to Honolulu, where he founded its first library, fire station and ballpark. Hawaii has since named another park after him, the same park that Ewa Beach, the 2005 LLWS champions from Oahu, played a game in. Thank you, Alexander Cartwright, for giving Chicago fans Scott Podsednik (seeya, Carlos Lee), and thank you for giving the rest of us this game that still captivates American fans, even after 159 years.