The Deserted Bandwagon

Author: Matt Kunzweiler

Before I started at Middlebury, I had this ideal picture of college life. I would spend my weekends dressed in a professor-ly cord jacket, sitting on the lawn beside worldly friends, being "chill," discussing politics, drinking coffee, learning, growing, being. I'm a senior now, and that whole plan for self-enrichment never really panned out.

But this past weekend, the Classics Department staged a three-day marathon reading of Homer's "Iliad" on the front steps of the New Library - and miraculously, I found myself sitting near the podium, eyes closed, nodding in rhythmic appreciation of blank verse. Finally, here I was, spending my time at college as I had once dreamed.

I'll be honest, I would have walked right past if I hadn't happened to overhear a description of someone being eviscerated, which may have even made me say"Sweeeet." A big part of my motivation for actually sitting down was the hope of having an acquaintance walk by, notice me sitting there so composed and contemplative and think to his or herself, "Gosh, he is cultured!"

Regardless, the event turned out to be quite the spectacle, drawing crowds of half a dozen people at any given time - which was a major accomplishment, considering the event was competing with Hollywood's production of Troy - based on "The Iliad" and readily available on DVD, featuring generous abridgment and gratuitous nudity. On Sunday morning, the reading also had to compete with that cacophonous clanging-bell-organ sounding off from Mead Chapel, which nearly drowned out the readers. Despite these factors, "The Iliad" marathon attracted students to stop, sit down and actually forget their Econ problem sets.

The readers would alternate every half hour or so, wear the laurel wreath and speak fearlessly. It was apparent that one or two had not read aloud since middle school. But they had to keep the torch burning. One reader, Cole Dovey '06, a feisty young man with the reflexes of a purse-snatcher, said, "I think some of the visiting parents felt threatened when I delivered a speech by Agamemnon. It was a fiery one, and I was taking pauses to make direct eye contact."

Still - kudos to the Classics Department for conveniently planning the event to take place over Fall Family Weekend I, full-well-knowing that many parents passing by the wholesome scene would be convinced that this is how their children spend their weekends - reading classic literature to one another beneath Vermont's patiently reddening foliage. This is what we do.

It's too bad my folks didn't choose to come for this family weekend. They could have seen me enriching myself. Instead they'll be here for the next family weekend, which coincides with Halloween. So I'll be drunk, and, if it's anything like sophomore year, wearing a bra.