Rural Banter

Author: ERICA GOODMAN

The Winter Olympic Games, filled with bright-eyed victories and unexpected defeats, will not come again for another four years. But just in case four years of curling training fails to win you a spot on the U.S. national team, you may wish to consider fulfilling your desires of Olympic glory in a different type of arena. Each year, the cow-judging rink at the Washington County Fair clears out the cattle and hosts the annual Farmers' Olympics. The affair attracts spectators from around the county who fight for the best seats to view the rural spectacle. Apollo Ono may train by hopping one-legged up "The Incline," a dangerously steep one-mile trail up Mount Cable in Colorado Springs, but the men and women who participate in the Farmers' Olympics practice rigorously as part of their own day's work. To prepare for this competition, farmers merely carry on their normal everyday tasks - stacking hay bales, driving cattle and shimmying up silo ladders. The Farmers' Olypmics is really a series of timed team events and no qualifying rounds to determine who can compete. Anyone can join - farmer or not - and teams with names such as "Bitchin' Beef" and "Happen' Heifers" enter the show ring with a roar of applause on the night of the event. The teams battle it out in a variety of tasks that challenge their agricultural dexterity and push their farming skills to the limit. They race back and forth across the sawdust-covered arena, jumping over mountainous round hay bales and struggling to carry hefty grain bags. Sometimes dizzy competitors must dress themselves in a one-piece veterinarian jumpsuit (arm-length plastic breeding glove included) or work with their teammates to built a mock electric fence. And finally, the Olympics culminate with a team tug-of-war. Although the contestants show off their flare for agricultural style - John Deer mesh ball caps, Carhartt overalls, and Agri-Mark t-shirts - there are no corporate sponsors. The competitors earn a living from their farming, but when it comes to the Farmers' Olympics challenges they are one hundred percent amateurs. And while the scores are tallied, the crowd waits in silent anticipation for the announcement of the victor and the team that will take home the coveted trophy - the golden pitchfork. The winners keep the tool, spray-painted a lustrous gold, until next year's competition. There is neither a silver shovel nor a bronze rake, yet all of the participants go home with sawdust filled sneakers, rope burned hands and the memories of a comical evening.