In My Humble Opinion An awkward location

Author: Daniel Roberts

An awkward location indeed.

At room draw last April, I chose a nice, fat single in Hepburn. The room was within a block (two singles and a double) that included a bathroom. Super. I made sure my friend got the other single, and that was that. The double was still open, but we just figured two random dudes would snag it. Who cares, as long as they weren't obnoxious hippies.

Then, I arrived for fall semester, and - gasp - two girls were moving into the double. This was fine, and I even knew the two girls; Both are nice people. Yet I couldn't help but worry about sharing a bathroom with girls. Sorry, but - kind of weird, right?

As it turns out, the sharing has been fine. I have yet to find gross "feminine products" in the trash, and I have done my part to leave no traces of shaving cream on the vanity. Occasionally, I find a long blonde hair stuck to the shower wall, but I deal with it. Just like the girls deal with it when I leave my boxers lying on the floor. As we all used to say in middle school, "no biggie."

Still, the block situation is different. There are only four of us. Very manageable. I still contend that the big bathrooms, say, the giant co-ed ones of Battell, for example, are an uncomfortable place.

Some of you will disagree and say, "This is a stupid point. There's nothing weird about co-ed bathrooms." Fine, tough guy. But I assure you I'm not the only one who hesitates to do certain "things" in the bathroom if a girl is in there. Furthermore, I would guess that girls, too, probably don't feel too excited about, say, asking someone to borrow a tampon if some dude is right there, shaving at the sink. Am I wrong?

It is interesting to me that universities could create co-ed bathrooms and expect students to feel comfortable using them. Let's be honest, there are certain undesirable "special effects" that play when a guy is sitting in the stall. Noises might voice themselves, smells might eke out from the door. I mean, obviously these things never come from me, but you know, most guys.

Plus, ladies, let's not pretend you are innocent either. Sure, I went through that period in high school where I fooled myself into believing that girls were completely pure. I honestly was convinced that women do not pee, fart or burp. And they certainly never take "dumps." I was sure of that.

Yet now I am a wiser man. I know those childhood fantasies to be false. We have all watched that infamous taco scene in Harold & Kumar. You know the one. Plus, my friend Sakura proudly considers Everybody Poops her favorite book.

So I don't know what can be done. Perhaps co-ed bathrooms in college are a bad idea. My mom told me she once attended a lecture by a respected child psychologist who memorably joked, "If the bathrooms at my college had been co-ed, I would have been constipated for four years." Hilarious, yes, but he was probably half-serious, and there must be some who share his qualms.

All I am saying is that, to put it bluntly, if I walk into a bathroom holding a book, there is really only one thing I am about to do. And if a girl is in there brushing her teeth or something, I ain't doing it. Sorry, administration.