Middlebury College has chairs for almost every academic department, three chairlifts at the Snow Bowl and even a hockey goaltender named Cherry. But we're missing two things: a conference-contending basketball team and consistently comfortable chairs in our classrooms.
With yet two more first-round exits from the NESCAC Tournament on Feb. 17, Middlebury basketball as a whole needs some solidifying. While the women's team has had little problem making the Tournament (eight out of the ten teams in the league do make the postseason), they have not seen the second round since the '02 season. The men have had it worse: They've only made four Tournaments and they've lost those games by an average of 11 points.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not calling for coaches' heads. I'm not even asking for coaches' heads to be evaluated. I'd just like to make a suggestion: Coaches, pull an anti-Bobby Knight. Instead of flinging a chair across the floor, try bringing up the chairs across campus in conversation. With it, I think you'll see some more wins.
When most folks say Middlebury is a small school, they are implying it's not the University of Michigan - where their football stadium alone seats 107,501. But when you take a look at the placement of the showerheads in the bathrooms, you'd think Midd was a school for the small. I'm lucky if I can even get my hair wet in the morning, and that's on a good day.
Now imagine what it's like for a center on the basketball team. The hot water must hit him in the center of his stomach - almost a hundred centimeters from the desired target. Despite the women's woeful 35.6 shooting percentage, they were closer to their mark than the showerhead.
But let's stick to chairs - you may in fact be already stuck to one. At least if we had comfortable seats, instead of ones whose backs end at about the third vertebra on your back, the tall could have something to sit on while in the shower stall.
Sitting should not sting. But for anyone taller than six feet who tries to lean back in a New Library desk chair, the feeling is comparable to electric shock. The way I see it, sometimes the electric chair would be more comfortable. Here's how we can kill two Larrys with one stone: Show some Chair Care and get bigger ones. It's time to say, "see ya" to las sillas.
Hey, Old Chapel, your chairs are old. Twilight, your chairs are in the twilight of their careers. Yo, Munroe, people grow after they're fo'. (years old)
When I come back to school in September, I'd rather not have a sore back. Plus, I can guarantee that the basketball teams will score 11 more points per game - precisely the value one would get for spelling "chairs" in Scrabble. That would be just enough to cover the deficit the Panthers men's teams have faced in NESCAC Tournament games.
Written by Sports Editor JEFF PATTERSON
