SexSage

Author: Sage Biester

Last week was my 22nd birthday and my friends, perhaps taking a cue from a previous column about masturbation, chipped in to buy me the gift that keeps on giving - a vibrator. I have never used a vibrator before, and at first I didn't know how to react as I opened the box from Trusted Pleasures Inc.

Getting that first vibrator is a big step for any girl and it can be a hard one to make. There is still a certain stigma attached to it. Just look at how people buy them: you can either stroll into a "sex shop" or other store that specializes in erotic wares, or shop hush-hush online. Either way, the experience promises to be unsettling. I did some vibrator "research" on the Internet. Nothing - apparently Google Safe Search thinks vibrators are corrupting the youth.

So I tried again, this time searching for "The Rabbit vibrator." The Rabbit rose to fame after an episode of "Sex and the City" and earned its name from the little pink hare attached to it. I was confident that if anything would yield results it would be the bunny, but my search results mostly had to do with breeding long-haired angoras and Chinese astrology. Buried in the results was one link where I found what I was looking for. The headline read: the Rabbit "massager."

A massager? Like for back pain and tension? I clicked on the link and a plethora of innocuous names popped up: "Relaxing handheld massager," "magic massager," "Flexible Jelly Soft Waterproof Stick Battery Back, Scalp and Body Massager" - the euphemisms seemed endless. They were wolves in sheep's clothing, lying about their true purposes to seem more benign. I suppose that in some sense vibrators do perform a kind of massage, but they certainly aren't getting anywhere near your shoulders.

So what's the fuss? If everyone knows what a "massager" really is, and if many women own one, why is it necessary to hide it in inoffensive vocabulary? Perhaps it's because women themselves have a hard time accepting the idea of a vibrator. Just like men, we spend years developing intimate relationships with our hands. Who needs some rubbery inanimate object when you know exactly what to do and how to do it? I know that I have been hesitant to buy one for myself because it seemed so extraneous.

There is also hostility towards vibrators in general because the mere presence of one implies that a partner is not necessary to have an orgasm equal to or better than what you get from sex. Of course this statement is ridiculous considering the fact that most men and women have sex not for the orgasm but for the overall experience. No vibrator, not even "The Rabbit," can replace all of the sensory pleasures humans receive from sex. Still, a vibrator makes it easier for women to get those orgasms that are often missing from their sex lives, which explains why so many will own one at some point in their lives.

So do you have one or don't you? Will you try it or won't you? The experience is out there if you are willing to accept the fact that vibrators are for vaginas, not your lumbar, and if you'll admit that orgasms are both enjoyable and necessary (with or without a significant other).