SexSage

Author: Sage Biester

I know nothing about men. I tried, but did not succeed, to understand that elusive bond between a man and his penis, and two first-years called me on it in a letter to the editor last week. So I went on a fact-finding mission to better understand men, or at least those populating the Middlebury Campus.

First I met with a couple of guys whom I did not know very well but whom I hoped could shed some light on the average Midd male's thoughts about sex and dating. We chatted for an hour and a half on all sorts of subjects, from love and dating to casual sex and drunken hook-ups, and I was surprised by what I heard, especially this: All men are different.

I pondered the significance of this statement for some time after our meeting. Could it be? I had to admit that I too had fallen into the trap of thinking that you can generalize someone's actions based on his or her gender. In the past, I caught myself repeating statements like "Guys don't like to cuddle" or "men will have sex with whomever they can" and "they don't cry." Of course there are men who "just want one thing from a girl" but that isn't to say that all men want it, or that that's the only thing they want. The trick is to remember that not all or even most men are like that.

So guys, I'm sorry that I doubted you and that I have been led to believe that you are anything other than upstanding human beings. And for all the ways in which I have previously slandered you: Please forgive me.

But my journey did not stop there. I pressed on, wanting to understand the elusive male gender. I learned yet another interesting and beneficial morsel of information about men: Yes, they are almost always horny, but that doesn't mean men will always act on their desires.

Any guy who says that they had sex because his penis "told him to" or because he couldn't control himself is lying (unless he's a sex addict, which is a whole other article). He is just trying to justify his actions by blaming them on his penis. Remember, I was told this by actual men, it wasn't made up by some virginal femi-Nazi like me.

I learned some very important things about the male gender this week. If he says he's really into you but can't stop sleeping with everything that moves, it's because he's a jerk and not because he's a man. Actually this makes him less of a man and more like a little boy, but that's neither here nor there. If he can't talk about his feelings or be vulnerable in a relationship, it's because he has issues, not because he's a man. And if he messes up and makes mistakes despite his best intentions, give him a break: he's a man.