'The Family Guy' writer inspires audience Midd alum is unscripted on the ins and outs of the Hollywood industry

Author: Melissa Marshall

"Thanks for saving me from a career in Wall Street," reads a note attached to a poster advertising the 2003 action thriller "Out of Time." The poster hangs outside the office of Don Mitchell, lecturer in English and Film and Media Culture, and Dave Collard '94 is not the only one grateful to Mitchell. In fact, college dorms across the country are appreciative that Collard is writing toilet humor for animated characters instead of crunching numbers in Dockers and a tie.

Best known for his two and a half season stint as a staff writer for Fox's animated comedy "The Family Guy," Collard traded the tropical warmth of Los Angeles for the frigid weather of his alma mater in order to give a talk to screenwriter hopefuls and pop-culture junkies alike last Sunday evening.

Collard immediately put Dana Auditorium at ease with his casual attire and even more relaxed attitude, reminding students that a benefit of a liberal arts education is "the opportunity to have a happy accident," even if that accident is a career path more stigmatized than the dreaded English major.

Collard, who first discovered the possibility of screenwriting in a book while shopping for his economic class, demystified a field that seems harder to gain access to than the Freemasons.

"I'm not going to lie and say that it's easy. But if there's nothing else pulling you, I say do it," said Collard. "If there's something else you're just as interested in, go do that, it'll be easier. There are a lot of days I hate my job, but I can't imagine myself doing anything else. I guess even Ben and Jerry's ice cream tasters get tired of their job some days."

His focus on maintaining realistic expectations continued throughout his talk as he even underplayed the ideal of complete freedom in creative expression, drawing examples from the numerous changes made to his scripts for "Out of Time" and the 2006 military drama "Annapolis."

"I had originally planned for 'Out of Time' to be set in Buffalo, write what you know, but they immediately changed it to Miami," said Collard. "Nobody wants to see a movie set in Buffalo, even people who live in Buffalo."

Collard continued to outline the life of a screenwriter, the depiction becoming less glamorous with every reference to unappreciative actors, intense competition and compromised creative control.

"Right now, I sell out. That's my job," said Collard, displaying an honesty that defined his presentation.

Earlier in his talk, he fielded a question from his mentor Mitchell concerning the socio-economic hypocrisy of mainstream values presented in "The Family Guy," responding, "That's more on Seth McFarland [the show's producer]. I don't know, my favorite joke was the fart-box."

Despite some of the negative aspects he broached, Collard encouraged aspiring writers further, even offering to act as patron to some. "Have any good ideas for a thriller?" asked Collard. "I'll take down names and hand out checks. I'm serious."

While Collard did show the 2001 episode of "The Family Guy" titled "Screwed the Pooch" as well as a ten minute clip from "Out of Time," he delivered a presentation structured more like a question and answer session than a lecture, seeming more interested in hearing students' voices than his own.

And students did not hesitate to call on Collard for advice, gaining valuable insight into the inner-workings of the Hollywood industry.

"I've been pretty interested in screenwriting for a while, but I did not know a lot on the technical end," said Peter Hoffman '10. "I found it interesting how often the script was altered. Whether it is through the communal effort of television writing or the administrative decisions in the film world, it is surprising to see how much a script differs from its original conception."

Through a mix of humor, honesty and candid storytelling, Collard's informal lecture shed light on a profession shrouded by uncertainty.

"Dave Collard's talk was enlightening in the way that so many of the visits by successful alums are: it offered some perspective on what it means to go out into the 'real world' and try out one's dreams," said Astri von Arbin Ahlander '07. "Even though Dave was realistic about the poor odds for succeeding as a writer in Hollywood, his encouragement and the example he himself has set serves as inspiration to go out there and give the impossible a try."