17-year-old lives, copes with HIV

Author: Aylie Baker

At 17, Ben Lapan is interested in film. He's popular with the ladies and he plays the drums in the high school band. But for his slightly smaller stature, Lapan seems like any other 17-year-old. Except for one subtle difference - Lapan is living with the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) that causes AIDS.

Reclining comfortably in an armchair in the Fireplace Lounge this past Wednesday night, Lapan addressed a crowded room in his talk, "Living wtih AIDS," speaking with remarkable sagacity and eloquence. And after forty minutes, the fact that Lapan has HIV largely diminished in the face of his tremendous optimism and charisma. After all, the virus is but one hurdle in his life journey, asserts Lapan - "it's life, everyone's going to go through it."

Lapan, of Vermont, was born with the virus. One of five children, his mother described, "When we adopted him, he weighed only three pounds. They couldn't find a home for him and they were desperate."

Now in high school, Lapan is very healthy, his handsome face rosy beneath the brim of his cap. He's found a prescription without too many side effects and his viral count is very low.

While he is small in stature, Lapan makes up for it with the fervent intensity with which he approaches life. He's not shy about his condition. In fact, "he's made [HIV] work to his advantage," said Kelly Brighan, of Burlington's Vermont Cares, an organization devoted to providing support for people affected by HIV/AIDS in addition to promoting AIDS education.

Lapan has already had several girlfriends. "I'm a Casanova, what can I say?" said Lapan, shrugging his shoulders and eliciting a wave of laughter from the audience. And though he sometimes runs into trouble with parents, on the whole Lapan is loved by all.

Yet while Lapan is fortunate to live in a very accepting community, he says he still encounters instances of prejudice. He described the difficulty he has had with holding onto a job. "They said they didn't have any available hours," he said of one restaurant. Often he is told that he looks too small, too young to work the till. And though there are laws guaranteeing equal opportunity in the work place, "nowadays when they discriminate, they do it so discretely," said Lapan.

Other times, Lapan is confronted with stigmas. "A lot of people still assume it's a gay disease," explained Brigham.

"I have a colorful personality," explained Lapan, laughing - and at times he finds himself pigeonholed into this stereotype. Such stereotyping is futile, asserts Brighan.

"It does no good to focus on who's getting it," she said - it's more important just to fight it.

A large part of fighting HIV/AIDS is educating people about the virus. Lapan said he finds himself constantly confronted with misunderstandings regarding his condition. Once, when he and a friend bought a soft drink, Lapan explained how his friend expressed worry when they went to share it.

"I want the world to be less ignorant [about HIV/AIDS] - I want everyone to be able to hold hands, without a millisecond of fear," said Lapan.

It follows then, that when asked how he'd like to be treated, Lapan replied, "The same way you'd be a friend to anybody else - we don't like to feel awkward or different, we just want to be normal."

And just like other teens his age, Lapan is excited to cross the threshold into adulthood. He's already talking about getting his own apartment, about exploring the wider world and first and foremost, about finding his roots. "When I turn 18, that's where I'll start," he said. "I don't know where I get my eyes from, and my nose and my smile."

Ready to strike out on his own, Lapan discussed pursuing film in Fitchburg, Massachusetts and expressed an interest in higher education. "I do want to go to college, I'm not sure for what."

A virus is not going to quash his dreams. Lapan has plans. "I'm going to be big. I want to go around the world to different countries and help out in Africa," he declared, motioning to the table in front of him, "where they don't have cookies like these."

Ultimately, it was not the specter of HIV/AIDS but rather Lapan's overwhelming optimism and eloquence that permeated the talk, which was light and good-humored. When asked if he ever wishes that he hadn't been born with HIV, Lapan replied "I don't think I would." "I wouldn't be as colorful as I am, I wouldn't be who I am. I wouldn't be so ... BAM! Ö me."

The lecture was sponsored by the Student Global Aids Campaign and was made possible through collaboration with Vermont Cares.