SexSage Sex and derogation

Author: Sage Bierster

"Fag, slut, dyke, prude." Why is it that insulting someone's sex life is an acceptable form of discrimination? Whether it's who you like, who you sleep with, how often and with how many people, if you're gay, straight or somewhere in between, many of us use these and other derogatory insults because sexuality is seen as one part of human behavior that it is ok to judge someone for.

The homophobic graffiti that was found written in Ross a few weeks ago has prompted a campus-wide debate regarding undercurrents of discrimination and hate that have often gone unnoticed by most of the College community. The Middlebury Open Queer Alliance (MOQA), for one, has done an excellent job of opening the discussion up to larger questions of sexuality. This isn't just about homophobia, but is about a larger trend in American society that wants to restrict and control you based on sexuality. And we participate in it every day. For example: Think of all the times you have ever described any girl as a "slut"? Maybe you weren't even referencing her sexual activities but expressing a negative feeling towards her, yet you still used that word. "Slut" still carries the meaning of being promiscuous, but it is used in everyday speech to mean a woman who isn't liked, who offends or is unacceptable in some way. When it is used it not only reaffirms the negative connotation of that word but also of female sexuality in general. Why is it a bad thing when a woman has numerous sexual partners? Why do we pick her sex life (real or imagined) to use against her?

Now think about the word "gay". How often do you say, "That party was gay," or "Stop being gay," or "What a gay thing to say"? My own brother uses it and it angers me to no end. He claims that it is just something people say, that he doesn't "mean it like that." Yet when anyone, including my open-minded brother, uses "gay" to deride even inanimate objects, something is amiss. His response shows how na've we all are when it comes to the power of words. As my friend Kelsey said to me when reflecting upon the responses she has heard from people about the incident in Ross, the majority of us might not realize the meaning of these words. If you have never experienced the pain of being called a "faggot" when someone really meant it, the shock to find that any homophobic word written on the walls of this campus might not reach you. So I ask you to think about a time when you or a close friend was judged because of sexual behavior or merely called a name that carried that kind of connotation. Think about everything you felt. Imagine if it had been written on a wall in your dorm. Now think about a time you did the same thing to someone else.

I have never claimed to achieve lofty ideological goals with this column, but my one hope is that I can provoke discussion on campus related to sexual issues. The incident in Ross and others like it only go to show the extent to which an open dialogue on sexuality is needed here. We should all take this opportunity to engage in honest debate and reflection not only about the actions of others, but our own actions as well.