Sexsage Spring Fever

Author: Sage Bierster

The sun is shining, birds are singing and plants are finally showing signs of life - that's right, Spring has arrived. And with only weeks left in the semester, one's thoughts naturally turn to exams, final papers and unrequited love. Well, more like unrequited sex. Everyone begins to think about all those men and women on campus that they've always had their eye on, that they've never gotten with and might never see again.

Seniors are the most prone to spring sex fever. With graduation looming at the end of May, they realize that the amount of time they have left to engage in college sex is dwindling. College is different than every other time in our lives because of the social environment we live in. Never again will we be in a situation where we live in such close proximity to 2,000 other 20-somethings who are just as horny and uncommitted as we are. We don't have jobs, apartments, dogs - we don't have real adult lives yet and the sex we have reflects our lack of responsibilities and is relatively free of consequences. Time is running out for the Class of 2007.

Senior Week is the quintessential manifestation of last-ditch lust on this campus. Now, I've never been here to see the debauchery take place, but my sources have referred to it as a "hormonal free-for-all," and, I don't know about you, but that definitely piques my interest. All of those deep-seated attractions that have gone unspoken for years are acted upon in a week-long orgiastic party. Basically, anything goes.

Seniors also have the added bonus of the "senior crush list." There is no better place to spill the contents of your unrequited heart than on a white 8.5 X 11 sheet of printer paper on a dining hall billboard. In the spirit of Spring sex, tell the world of your love! Maybe that cute artsy guy has always had a crush on you, too.

What if you have some unfinished sexual business but you are in a relationship? While you should always be honest with your partner, talk to him or her, and try and work through your other urges. But don't be surprised if you can't have your cake and eat it too.

For all the single underclassmen, be grateful that the people-watching is definitely better this time of year, and with everyone looking happier and healthier, it's much easier to spot someone you might not have noticed the rest of the year. The Library Lawn, Battell Beach and Proctor Terrace are prime daytime flirtation and ogling zones. The Last Chance Dance is legendary for obvious reasons, but it is mostly underwhelming.

So what should your plan of action be? Well, first of all you should try to stick around for Senior Week. But it also means you should be on the lookout for that guy or girl you've always found appealing and go for it. Don't hold back when you are filling out your senior crush list. Strike up a conversation, ask your crush out for coffee, or make your way over to them on the dance floor, but do something because otherwise you will regret it.