Sexsage Use your imagination

Author: Sage Bierster

As Middlebury's resident "sex sage," I am always open to all kinds of questions and am happy to impart my (real or imagined) expertise in all matters sexual. One such question I recently encountered was where the best places are on campus to, ahem, practice what I preach. Of course, a bed is usually the preferred location, but things can get complicated when you have a roommate or your suitemates complain about the noise. And, let's face it, the risk of being found out can be a huge turn-on and is what drives most people out of the conventional bedroom setting. Still, you don't want to have sex in the middle of the Grille on a Friday night (unless getting arrested for public indecency is your thing) and you really don't want to get caught in flagrante delicto by anyone. So, without further ado, here are the best (or at least most interesting) places on campus to get it on without getting caught (hopefully):

1. The Library: A risky move, especially as exam period closes in and every imaginable workspace is occupied, but potentially rewarding. All that studying can wear you out and a quick tryst is the perfect pick-me-up. Try an abandoned thesis carrel room on the third-floor mezzanine or the bathrooms on the bottom floor. Watch out if you make a lot of noise - the entire building will pick up the echo.

2. McCardell Bicentennial Hall: Let's face it, that place is huge! There are so many rooms and stairwells that you can easily find a place to sneak away, especially late at night. Perfect for those of you living on that side of campus when things get dull in your dorm room.

3. Outside: As my last article proclaimed, spring is here, which means outside sex is once again possible without risking frostbite of your "extremities." The natural amphitheater past the cemetery is beautiful and isolated but does get its fair share of visitors. Areas near the sports fields come highly recommended from a source who shall remain anonymous. The lawn area behind the Catholic School is a nighttime option, though you might feel like you're going to hell right afterwards. And if you really want to get crazy, try the swings in front of Twilight while its still dark out - maybe you'll find out what Samantha on "Sex and the City" was raving about.

4. Second-floor lounge, Johnson Memorial Building: It's a cool building, always open and relatively deserted at night. The lounge that looks out towards Battell is spacious and comfortable, and there is a big table in the middle of the room (use your imagination).

5. Munroe Building: I've had my fair share of classes in Munroe and I use the computer lab quite a bit. After some exploring I found out that the building is usually open late and most of the classrooms remain unlocked.

6. Ross: I encourage all those same-sex couples out there to utilize Ross - fight negative slurs with something positive like an orgasm!

Now that you have a short list, get out there and do some exploring on your own! I just hope for your sake Public Safety doesn't read this column.