in my humble opinion Accident, up ahead

Author: Daniel Roberts

Earlier this summer, after picking up my Jeep from the repair shop - ironically - I was sitting at a red light and watched in amazement as a car accident happened right before my eyes. A woman on the other side of the street was attempting to take advantage of the "right on red" privilege, but she grossly mistimed the merge, and plowed into the back bumper of some angry Masshole's scarlet Nissan. Once I got my green light, I pulled out, and only 40 seconds later, I could see in my rearview that traffic was already slowing down, even though the accident victims were pulled over, out of everyone's way. Damn rubberneckers!

What is it about a car accident that drives people (sorry for the pun) to slow down or stop? What could possibly be enticing about looking at an accident? I guess that maybe there is comfort in seeing a bashed-up car and some poor blonde (oops) stamping and screaming on the highway. The comfort would come from thinking, "I'm so glad that wasn't me."

Yet, there is a chance that my interpretation is too simple. Maybe I just want to assume that most people are not sadistic. My pal Rohan told me he thinks the desire to check out an accident actually comes from something far more upsetting: a pleasure in the misfortune of other people.

Urban Dictionary defines "rubbernecking" as "driving slowly by a car accident to turn the head and look for anything gory." Shocking! If people actually want to see something "gory" and disturbing, why don't they just google the video of Britney's recent MTV performance?

Seriously, I think my boy Roheezy must be on to something. People actually get enjoyment from the destruction of others - whether it is their property or their sanity. Most people would not admit this, but I think almost everyone has at some point taken pleasure in another's poor luck.

What about when we hear the shatter of a ceramic plate being dropped in Ross, and everyone applauds? We love it! Does no one stop to consider the fragile confidence of the first-year that committed the blunder in the first place?

The same principle applies to many moments in our daily lives here at Middlebury. Think of how rewarding it is when you're playing Beirut on some random Tuesday night and you win before the two idiots playing you have even hit a cup. Naked lap! I love administering this punishment, but I can assure you it's not because I enjoy seeing some dude's hairy, white ass in the moonlight. It's because there is something satisfying in forcing a friend to strip and run around outside Hepburn on a cold, winter night.

We "rubberneck" all the time. Personally, I find myself rubbernecking every time I walk into McCardell Bicentennial Hall and twist my head to the left to stare at the disaster known as the "Smog" sculpture.

A more Midd-appropriate example is when you see some ballsy moron literally zooming down the Mead Chapel hill on a skateboard, swerving back and forth, looking more arrogant than Kanye West, as though nothing could stop him. Then, inevitably, the kid hits a crack in the pavement and goes flying headlong into the grass. I have already seen this happen four times in my Middlebury career. Everyone gathers around and asks, "Are you okay?" In truth, they just want to get a closer look and see if this doofus is bleeding.

I guess my only advice is that if you find yourself messin' around with that dang iTrip and you raise your head to realize you're about to drive into a pole, make sure you are far from College Street and anyone you know.

Daniel Roberts '09 is an English major from Newton, Mass.