in my humble opinion Parking Problems

Author: Daniel Roberts

Because I have seen my car towed a record four times in two years, costing me $90 each time, I feel I have a special bond with Public Safety. I have dialed ext. 5911 so frequently in my time here that I even have the number on speed dial.

Somehow, no matter where I park, it turns out to be a restricted space. Even on the final night of exams last year, when I parked in the Hepburn circle overnight, they got me. It's a "fire lane," so I was towed on the last night of the year.

With cash made from parking violations, the administration could probably purchase a new trash sculpture, even uglier than the current Hillcrest tire monster.

When I pulled into a spot at the CFA a few nights ago, I felt confident that for once, there was no way I could earn a fine or be towed. Right? Wrong. The next day, I found a ticket, with a fine. I was shocked. All the cars around me were fellow student vehicles. I called Public Safety and a man calmly told me that, of course (didn't I know?) juniors are not allowed to park at CFA lot.

No, sir, I did not know, and I am shocked. "It's clearly written in the parking pamphlet," he scolded. Come on, no one reads that. My friends, also juniors, could not believe this news. As upperclassmen, we had the most convenient lot taken away, rather than gaining additional privileges? I thought older kids are rewarded with more places to park, not less.

When I arrived this year, I got my totally rad, silver sticker with the 'S' on it, and pleasantly asked, "Can I park in any cool new places now?" She gave me a friendly grin and said, "Yes, in addition to Kenyon and CFA, you may now park at Ridgeline and Atwater!"

This did not excite me so much, since I still live in Hepburn, and CFA is far closer to me than the Mods or Wright Theatre. So, no big deal≠ - I'll just continue to park at CFA. Or so I thought.

After stuffing the ticket in my car door's trash bin, I drove to Wright, where every spot was taken. Next, at the Mods, the first five rows were all full, so I parked at the very back. The metaphorical rod had been jammed up my rear end, and my Jeep's rear bumper - we got shafted.

This incident came after I had already heard complaints from other kids about how many rows of student spaces have been cut off this year and changed to "Faculty Only" at both CFA and Kenyon. What's the deal?

With all due respect to Public Safety, we need more parking, or a change in the system. I would never suggest tarnishing our beautiful campus with another big parking lot, but something's gotta give, and I ain't talking about that Diane Keaton romantic comedy for elderly people.

What if we did away with permits based on class year, and instead gave each vehicle owner a sticker based on their dorm? CFA could be only for kids in Stew, Hep or Gifford. The Mods could be for any residents of the housing down there, including Palmer, Brooker, Prescott, etc. People who live in Coffrin or Allen would get to park behind Wright, and so on. Even Proctor hippies could get stickers to park their yellow bikes behind Hillcrest. Everyone would be happy!

Some defensive Public Safety officer might even write a letter about why my complaints are stupid, or why my idea cannot work. Okay, but at the school that educated legions of innovative thinkers, such as Nick Janson and the Ross Toucher, students and staff should be able to work together and resolve any problem. So how 'bout it?

Daniel Roberts '09 is an English major from Newton, Mass.