sexsage

Author: Sage Bierster

Another Fall Family Weekend has come and gone and everything has returned to normal. Most of the changes that take place over this October weekend are designed to make our parents believe that Middlebury is actually like this all the time. It's scheduled at the most beautiful time of year instead of anytime in the frozen wasteland months between December and April, and the food miraculously improves. Then there is the marathon reading of the Odyssey: "Yes Mom and Dad, we students have so much free time on our hands that we spontaneously organize classical literature readings. Isn't college magical?" I guess we have to make them believe that the $46 grand they pay for our education every year is being well-spent on steak for breakfast and weekends full of wholesome activities rather than on booze and LNDPs.

Some of go so far as to change our behavior to make them believe that we are still the innocent, virginal children that we were when we left home. We don't drink, we don't smoke cigarettes, we don't do drugs, and above all we do not have sex. Sex, what's that? I've never heard of such a thing. After my Bush administration-imposed abstinence-only education, I still think you pick babies up at the hospital and nudity is something that happens when you take a shower. Other students who are in committed relationships and usually spend every night with their boyfriend or girlfriend even pretend that the most intimate thing they have ever done is hold hands. Somehow sleeping over in each others' beds shatters their parents' image of who their child should be.

Oh, if our parents only knew what actually goes on here when they aren't taking pictures of us under bright red maples and laughing at The Capitol Steps. Let me break it to all of those parents who are reading this article - sex happens. We have it and we enjoy it. We talk about it all the time, we think about it more, and most of the energy we don't spend on class, homework and activities is spent in the hopes of getting some. You know what we talked to our friends about today? How horny we are. You remember that guy or girl we bumped into at brunch and introduced to you as our "friend?" We slept together last weekend. We might even be having sex right now, at this very moment.

As you recover from the mild heart attacks you may have experienced just now, let me reassure you parents that we are still the wonderful sons and daughters that you know and love. You have raised us well and we are responsible people, even when it comes to our sex lives. Of course we don't get everything right, and that's where you come in. The sex-talk you gave us when we were 13 shouldn't stop there. I don't mean lecture us or try to tell us what we can and can't do. You must accept the fact that we are sexual people too, as well as intellectuals, athletes, artists and otherwise well-rounded students. Instead, give us advice and talk to us sexual issues, because you are the ones with the experience after all. We are new at this and need all the help we can get.