the ethicist

Author: Amanda Greene

This past weekend I was at Orange Crush, dancing to Jesse's Girl when a friend of mine (Girl) was approached by a boy (Guy) from her economics class. "Approached" is probably not the most appropriate word to use, as accosted more accurately describes the nature of their interaction. Guy forcefully hip-checked Girl away from her friends, and proceeded to grab Girl and hold her in a manner that restricted all forms of defensive movement.

Guy's desire to "hold her in his arms late at night" nullified his sense of social propriety, and created a situation that effectively crushed any future chance of a late night (or daytime) rendezvous with Girl. I wondered when situations (a late night dance party) and substances (alcohol) make it okay for someone to act in a way that counters their "normal" personality. College students have always used alcohol as a social lubricant, but when does relying on alcohol as a social crutch become desperate?

There is a fine line between alcohol-induced friendliness, and alcohol-induced creepiness. Alcohol as an icebreaker is acceptable in circumstances where two individuals are already acquainted. It's refreshing to see your lab partner outside of Orgo wearing a tank top instead of a lab coat. Complications arise when students use alcohol as a means to justify overly gregarious, and by any other means uncomfortable, interactions with an ex-flame, or the beautiful-and-intimidating girl who has had a steady boyfriend for the past two years. Seven beers in is not the time to make new friends.

As a rule of thumb, students should not rely on alcohol to facilitate an interaction, or a situation that they would otherwise be uncomfortable in. If you wouldn't talk to someone sober, then you probably shouldn't disclose the innermost depths of your soul while intoxicated.

That said, unexpected circumstances are bound to arise. We've all had Saturday night lead to Sunday's head-banging, I wish I were under-the-table-wrapped-in-a-blanket realizations. How, then, should such situations be remedied?

The answer is rooted in tact and accountability. Fess up to what you've done! Don't avoid Saturday's dance partner when it's Monday and you cross paths walking to Ross. Grab the bull by the horns. The ability to take something that you're less than proud of and turn it into an instance that reflects the triumph of maturity over self-induced embarrassment will be heralded by your peers.

Now for this week's question: Enjoy!

Q: A friend of mine recently had a party in her room where she supplied the alcohol. A fair amount of people attended the affair, and together we probably consumed close to eighty dollars worth of beverages. My friend didn't ask to be reimbursed for her purchases, but I know that she doesn't have eighty dollars to spare. I don't want to offend her if the party was meant to be one in which she provided the supplies, but I would like to offer to pay my consumptive share. How do I go about this?

-Hydrated-Sans-Expense

A: Your friend, by choosing to host a party, assumes responsibility for the cost of beverages. Your friend's decision to not ask for reimbursement before inviting people over suggests that she is willing to cover the cost of drinks. That said, it is appropriate and advisable for you to offer to pay your share. In college alcohol is a commodity, and it is better to attempt to pay and be refused, than to appear aloof and unaware of the expense inherent in throwing a party. Everyone wants to play host, but no one wants to be out of last week's hard-earned TA pay hours, so cough up the cash, and let your friend decide whether or not she wants to accept.

Have any more questions? Consult the ethicist at amgreene@middlebury.edu.