op-ed Sex and Shaq don't mix - but we talk about it anyway

Author: James O'Brien

Middlebury needs to pass a law about the stupid flyers that students put up in the hallways. Hellooo. I need to walk there. I don't want the advertisement for some kid's coffee house performance distracting me from my brilliant Miltonian musings as I trudge up the stairs to English class. Even at Middlebury, no one is that strapped for entertainment that they choose their weekend activity based on a piece of paper they see on their way back from lunch. Recently, the most frustrating piece of signage on the wall has been the "Conversations Heard at Middlebury" flyers. This two-pronged assault on the profoundly ignorant Middlebury student body consists of red signs quoting conversations supposedly overheard at Middlebury, and, new this week, blue signs which I'll touch on later. The red signs look something like this:

"Would you do her?"

"Maybe for a million dollars."

And then below this piece of dialogue, it asks for questions and comments to be sent to the e-mail addresses of two Middlebury students. Last week, I fought the urge to put up my own sign which would read:

"Hey wanna do something fun tonight?"

"No. Don't have time. Actually, I have to go listen to conversations between random people so that I can copy their words onto a poster. Later, I will hang them up near a dining hall or some other high traffic area."

"Why?"

"You know, so people can look at themÖand be outraged."

"Oh."

Actually, I think the "would you have sex with her question" is a valid hypothetical in the vein of the "Would you let Shaq do you for a billion dollars?" Facebook group.

Another red sign looks like this:

"Hey man, let's rate girls as they come into the dining hall."

"What do you mean?"

"Rate. Like, who do you want to sleep with?"

Ignoring the fact that this is like an exact quote from Happy Days: The Musical - the last person I "slept with" was my mother (and no, not in an Oedipal sexual wayÖI had nightmares, okay) - I don't understand what the big deal about this "conversation" is either. I would have no problem if people wanted to rate me when I walked into the dining hall. In fact, if I knew it was happening, I would probably put on something nicer than warm-up pants and a t-shirt I got from basketball camp five years ago. With this type of advanced preparation, I would hope to score somewhere in the range of B-/B range on the DHS or Diners Hotness Scale. If not, I'll just shake my fist and go write a scathing article that all of 10 people will read and I'll feel better.

Okay, so now I have to get slightly serious and risk being hated by my 10 op-ed readers. After I spent a whole week walking around and being annoyed by those signs, lo and behold, now there are related blue signs giving us statistics about rape and sexual violence. Ah, now I feel like a total ass.

Well, you got me. My attention is yours. But I hope you're not insinuating that those red signs had anything to do with the blue ones. Most of those red signs just proved that guys like to look at girls and rate them on their own fantasy scale. These voyeuristic young men will not go on to commit some type of sexual crime. Sure, these guys don't have to watch actual girls. Yes, they could just go play SIMS: Sex Edition, but doing the dining hall thing is much more socially acceptable. I will defend to the death a college student's right to people-watch.

Here's the really scary thing - now that people have seen the signs, they are talking. But what good is that doing? Those people on campus who don't live under a rock - or on the second floor of Milliken - already knew that men and women alike use violent, "inappropriate" terms for sex, which in my opinion has nothing to do with sexual violence. And now that the word is out, some formerly clueless person might even take the time to send disapproving, scornful e-mails. Then meetings are set up. "Let's talk about this problem," responsible members of the student body will say. Meanwhile the students you are trying to reach will continue to play SIMS: Copulation Nation and watch "Entourage" until their eyes beg them to stop.

Basically, few things at Middlebury are problems of awareness - they're problems of apathy. A lot of people just don't care. Others convince themselves that they would care if only they didn't have so much work. Now that I think about it, this bothers me too. But I don't know what we can do. As an apathetic member of society, all I do is point out problems without ever offering any type of solution.

Putting signs up in the hallway does not save the world. It just distracts everyone from reading the other useless pieces of paper posted there. And that really ticks off the kid who wants to let us know about his performances in The Grille.

By the way, I would absolutely have sex with Shaq for a billion dollars. Think of all the awareness that money could buy.

James O'Brien '10 is from Medfield, Mass.