notes from the desk An obituary for some old friends

Author: Joseph Bergan

The following is a list of all the things that have vanished from my life as a Middlebury student, calendar years 2004-2007:

The "New Faces" book

The "New Faces" book died three years ago. The now-defunct publication is predeceased by Facebook.com, which is in living color, has tagging and even a "Werewolf" application.

The A-Frames

The A-Frames died in the Spring of 2004 after a brutal battle with alcoholism, drug use and incredible parties. Some of its closest friends gathered during its final days to party in what remains to be one of the finest parties in recorded history.

The old Liquor Inspector

The old Liquor Inspector was proceded by his evil twin who was spawned from the planet Sobertron 3000 years ago. His rule began three years ago, casting a dark shadow over the College. Middlebury students continue to cry soberly in the open or drunkenly in their closets.

The backside of the Snow Bowl

Though not officially dead, the infamous "backside" of the Snow Bowl has been missing largely for the past four years and is considered to be critically injured. Contact Bill McKibben or Netflix "An Inconvenient Truth" for more information.

Angela's Pub

Angela's Pub was killed this fall when the only place to dance in Middlebury was bought and put under new management. Updates on the new opening are changed every week.

Starr Library's shag room

The shag room died in the Spring of 2004 with the renovation of Starr Library. It is predeceased by a generation of Middlebury students who have yet to figure out how to shag in the moveable stacks.

Room phones

Room phones, which suffered a long battle with apathy, died this year, leaving behind generations of Middlebury students who will never hear "The Elephant Story."

Coin-operated laundry machines

Coin-operated laundry machines were violently assassinated by the evil Mac-Gray corporation three summers ago when they were replaced with money-eating Mac-Gray Cards. The U.S. Mint also had a hand in the assassination, printing an extra billion 5-dollar bills.

MiddCards

Middlebury parents finally pulled the plug on the MiddCard after shelling out untold amounts of money for drunken feasts purchased at 2 a.m.

Unlocked dorms

Unlocked dorms passed three years ago, when a bold Middlebury student decided that he had the freedom to sleep wherever he wanted. Unfortunately, he also decided he could sexually assault people too, so now we lock our doors permanently.

FIC Sunday night grease night

For information on why there is no longer a night where the dining hall serves only fried food, see A-Frames final party, section III, entitled: "After-Effects."

Joe Bergan '07.5 is a Focus editor from Middletown, Conn.