sexsage

Author: Sage Bierster

There are times in life when you just have to call it quits. This applies to a lot of things: sports teams, smoking, jobs and procrastinating from writing my thesis, just to name a few. I'm not an authority on any of these subjects (and seriously need to consider the last one), but I can write about what to do when that special someone, whether it's a hook-up or your significant other, no longer does it for you. Sometimes one person is to blame, but in many cases it just boils down to chemistry: either there's a good reaction, a bad one or none at all.

Why is it so hard for us to realize and admit when we have made a mistake, when the sex isn't what you expected or when the relationship turns sour? I think it has a lot to do with expectations: as human beings and as overachievers, Middlebury students want to have it all. We want good sex, we want good relationships and we don't want anyone to see us fail at either. Of course it doesn't constitute failure when things don't turn out the way you want them to - it just feels like it.

What it comes down to, then, is learning to let go. Sometimes we hold on to other people because the memories and feelings associated with them make us feel good even when they no longer give us pleasure. This is why so many of us stay in bad relationships and have mediocre sex: we expected something else, something breathtaking. So you stay and fight all the time with that boyfriend because he used to make you laugh, or you sleep with a girl you have wanted for months even though it's the worst sex you've ever had. Part of what keeps us going is the hope that things will get better, but mostly we just don't want to give up on something that once made us so blithely happy.

I am a believer in breaking up, in letting go and moving on. I have come to accept the fact that almost every relationship has an expiration date and most hook-ups should never happen again, even if you're desperate (unfortunately, the one thing that doesn't last long enough on this campus is the boys. Note: I didn't say "men" on purpose). More important than just admitting it to yourself is being honest with the other person. Nothing hurts more than being lied to or kept in the dark by your partner. Even if its just a hook up, it feels better to know that you're just not that into me than to run into each other on campus and pretend like we didn't see each other naked that one time.

The same can be said for college: you have to know when its time to leave, and you can't dwell on how great it was. It's over and that's ok. I'm graduating in a week; the SexSage needs new material and a bigger research site. Middlebury has been a great experience for me and I have so many wonderful memories that I will carry with me always, but I accept that it is time to move on. I was that into you, but it's over now - I think we should see other people. Thanks for reading.