Skeptical Sisson Middlebury's dismal dating scene

Author: Douglas Sisson

"Would you like to have a cup of coffee with me sometime?" A simple question with various interpretations and unfortunately as close as it gets to a formal date here at Middlebury College. Even then, how many of you can claim to have actually gotten this far? Exactly. As full-time students attending a small liberal arts college in rural Vermont, meeting new people is limited by place and opportunity.

Dating takes time. A student's academic workload is the number one priority. Next, athletics, wellness, clubs, activities and sleep each compete for an already limited amount of time. We are human beings with basic sexual and emotional needs. Thus, dating is an investment of time with the prospect of establishing either a regular physical rendezvous or an emotionally engaging relationship. Each is a viable option and actively pursued by students here at the College. The only problem is that, while everyone considers dating, few people actually do it.

Without a city nearby, our attention is almost exclusively focused inward upon the College. As if the pickings were not slim enough, the Faculty Council is considering a new policy aimed at prohibiting sexual relations between students and faculty. However, our administration cannot control our minds, so feel free to continue fantasizing about your favorite professors during class.

So where do students meet people to date? Parties and mutual friends are common ways to meet new people. Showing interest in someone from across a room typically involves excessive body language, strategic glances and flirting. Consuming alcohol is an effective social lubricant at this point because it lowers one's inhibitions. Still, the relentless game of hard-to-get makes trying to get a simple point across - "I want to make-out with you" - an anxiety-producing labyrinth with little hope of any clear or definitive answer.

Fear of rejection is what keeps people from verbally expressing interest in one another. As a result, dining halls become havens for curious stares while mutual friends serve as unofficial liaisons in a relentless game of triangulation. This is cute in moderation but after awhile I just want to say: "Will you two just sleep with each other already!"

A Facebook friend request is an efficient and private method of showing interest in someone. In fact, I'd argue that online communication - e-mail, Facebook, AIM - is the most clear-cut and effective technique of getting an immediate response to see if your prospective crush sees you as someone on their platonic radar. Accepting someone as a friend does not mean you want to sleep with them. Overtly flirting with someone is less stressful when two people are at least 'friends' on Facebook. Poking someone on Facebook is always an option but its meaning is somewhat vague. Here's a better idea: walk up to the person you are interested in and actually have a conversation with them face-to-face.

Assuming the person is at least somewhat interested in you, the places and opportunities to go on a date are still limited. A close friend of mine once asked a crush to go "feed the horses" with her as an alternative to a date. I'd personally rather be riding the horses with a picnic basket and expertly chosen wine. One can dream, right? Either way, a creative date has the potential to reap greater benefits.

Dating is not necessary in one's undergraduate career. After all, students can choose to take the advice of the SNL Spartan cheerleaders: "Sex can wait, just masturbate!" And for those hoping to intimately cuddle with someone, you're probably better off sleeping with a stuffed animal. Still, it is a new year. Why not channel the energy used to explore online pornography and ask someone out on an alternative date? Of course, you might want to buy a bigger mattress before getting rid of your stuffed animal.

Douglas Sisson '07.5 is an International Studies/Latin America major from Oak Brook, Ill.