The Devil Wears Patagonia

Author: Jordan Nassar

Alright, so you may not agree with some, most, or all off my opinions regarding fashion. You may find my columns abrasive and unreasonable, unfair and ridiculous. But have you ever asked yourself what the penalty for disregarding my words might be? I'm not talking about any sort of punishment, save that which you inflict upon yourself - I refer to the costs of ignoring fashion. I want nothing more than to protect YOU from this unsettling prospect, and thus have come up with a few key points for you to keep yourself protected.

1. Girls - Beware of revealing too much. I realize that tights-as-pants has become quite a craze among you ladies, and this trend is not without repute - it can definitely work well - but keep in mind the state of your inter-leg region, for there is nothing more uncomfortable for both the leggings-wearer and viewer than an unfortunate bunching. If you just must wear those tights, a long t-shirt or short dress should do the trick.

2. On a more serious note, know your political and cultural associations. You may think that your Che Guevara shirt is really cool, and that the kufiya (Arab scarf, most commonly red-and-white or black-and-white) is so in right now - but remember that as an intelligent and educated individual, you might be expected to know the meaning behind these rather charged symbols. I'd hope you know about El Che, having completed high school history class, but the kufiya is something that I wouldn't assume you know about - it's a scarf worn across Middle East, with a design slightly differing from region to region, rendering it somewhat of a cultural identification. In the 1930s it became a symbol of Palestinian solidarity, and that connotation still holds strong today. The black-and-white kufiya became the trademark of Yasser Arafat, while the red-and-white is favored by the PLO. I, personally, am proud of my Arab heritage and wear my kufiya the way I have since I was young - but if that one at Urban strikes your fancy, just know that you're making a statement.

3. Boys, this one's for you. Now I know that I've given you all a lot of grief about sweatpants - and let's be real, haute couture doesn't exactly come to mind upon sight of those Champion or Nike sweats. If you were to go for something by Jeremy Scott or Cassette Playa, that'd be a different story (yes, fashion can, in fact, include sweat material). Alas, I digress. What I mean to say is, beware of being objectified. You see, what you may not know is that when you roll out of bed, throw on your sweats and head to class, more often than not, someone is checking out your package and buns. Hate to break it to you, but those sweats - while comfortable - put you on display, giving onlookers a show with every step you take. I would like to stress that I am not a pervert, but just that I have many straight girlfriends and gay male friends alike that regularly mention this phenomenon. People are watching - I'm only trying to give you fair warning. So go for the jeans next time - unless you're a show-off.

There are many more, but these three are rather high on the list. Take heed of what I have given you and go forth - whilst protecting yourself from the downsides of poor fashion. Or don't, and pay the price.