Lovestruck Midd couples dish on dating

Author: H. Kay Merriman

Countless columnists of The Campus have lamented Middlebury's lack of a dating scene, and students of all grades and sexual orientations express that the student population is generally uninterested in long-term relationships. During orientation for the class of 2010, a residential advisor announced to the audience of eager Cook Commons first-years that this college is not the place to find love, but sex.

It is true. Middlebury students are not commonly seen taking each other out on dates, but in spite of this, some couples do make it work. In the spirit of Valentine's Day and with the hope of proving that romance is not dead at Middlebury College, I caught up with three of the College's more well-known couples to see how they began and maintain their relationships on a seemingly unsupportive campus.

Heather Harken '08 and Ted Parker '08, or "Teather" as some call them, would first like to clear the air about how their relationship began. Parker recounted that their class was the first to have access to Facebook before coming to school, allowing students to befriend their future dormmates as a way to get to know them.

"We talked a lot on Facebook, but not romantically," said Harken, debunking the myth that the two started dating online. Harken and Parker then launched into what they affectionately refer to as "the coffee story" or the true beginning of their three-and-a-half-year relationship at Middlebury.

"Remember the square dance the second night of orientation?" Harken said with a sly smile. She recalled awaking the following morning to find a note from Parker on her white board inviting her to come up for coffee. Over the next two weeks, the two spent a lot of time together and quickly became best friends before deciding to date. They admit that their situation is unique.

"We both showed up like every other freshman, not looking for a relationship," said Parker.

"We really have no idea how this happened," added Harken.

Jackie Montagne '09 and Roger Perreault '09 also arrived at Middlebury without any dating aspirations. Montagne was still going out with someone from home, but was intrigued when she met another tall redhead on the first day of school. They bonded all of spring semester, but it was not until October of their sophomore year that they took their relationship to the next level. During Fall Break, Montagne had devised a large scavenger hunt of poems by international authors in the library for Perreault to complete.

"The country of origin of each author corresponded to a code that said 'meet me at the covered bridge at midnight,'" Perreault recalled.

"…and on the covered bridge at midnight I said, 'let's make this official,'" said Montagne, completing the story.

When asked how they maintain a relationship with such a complex beginning, Montagne responded, "Roger really lightens me up. I love that I can be myself, the insane Jackie that everyone knows and loves, around him."

Perreault simply said, "She's really attractive."

Chris Abbott '07.5 was initially drawn to Courtney Tabor '09 for the same reason. "We met at Courtney's first Chamber Singers rehearsal her freshman year, and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Lucky for me she didn't notice," Abbott said. He invited Tabor on a walk around campus on the first Friday night. After talking with her on the steps of Mead Chapel that evening, Abbott realized how much he enjoyed her company and later wrote her a note in Braille inviting her on a second date. "The rest is history," he said.

The stories of the couples' initial meetings are heart-warming, but it obviously takes more than a cup of coffee, a scavenger hunt or a nice note to sustain a serious college relationship. All three couples emphasized the importance of leaving campus.

"A lot of students don't utilize the town and Burlington," commented Perreault. He and Montagne enjoy hiking together. Parker and Harken cited Black Sheep Bistro, Starry Night Café and even the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory as some of their favorite destination dates. "Neither one of us believes in Proctor dates," said Parker. He and Harken complained that when friends see them alone at a dining hall table, they assume that they are on a date and will not sit down with them.

Abbott acknowledged that dating outside of the dining halls is a significant time commitment to add to an already busy schedule. Time, the couples agreed, is one of the largest factors preventing students from dating.

"There simply is way too much happening at Midd to try and date," said Abbott. "We have made a decision to make time for each other as well as the other priorities in our life."

Perreault noted that time spent with a significant other is never time wasted. "Middlebury students have such drive to succeed in an American individual sense that it's hard to conform to someone else," he explained. "It's seen as a detriment to succeeding, but they don't realize that it's exactly the opposite - it's really valuable."

Perreault and Montagne can attest that the value of their relationship lasts through the harsh winter weather. They shared a story of Perreault losing Montagne's Valentine's Day card near Twilight Hall in the blizzard last year. In April, Montagne discovered the card, in perfect condition, in a pile of melted snow. "If that's not meant to be, I don't know what is," she said.

Hopefully, with the examples of Harken and Parker, Tabor and Abbott, and Perreault and Montagne, Middlebury's dating scene will be able to weather the storm like Perreault's lost valentine.