Tell 'em Thompson

Author: Thompson Davis

Based On a True Story 1980/2008

A Play in two acts

ACT I

(1980. Citibank headquarters in Manhattan. Thompson Bennett Davis III walks into an office extremely hung-over or still drunk*)

CITIBANK: Jesus, are you all right?

TBDIII: Yes. Actually no, I'm going to be level with you here Mr. -

CITIBANK: My friends call me Jacques

TBDIII: The truth is I feel like crap. I went to a friend's bachelor party last night and simply put, I got plastered. I knew I had this interview in the morning and I take my career very seriously but - you know how it is, right? I have my best friend, in my lap, sobbing like a baby telling me, "I don't know if I love her, man," and over my shoulder is his bonehead uncle, screaming in my ear, "SPIRIT OF '76' DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!," so one thing leads to another and I drink like 15 shots.

CITIBANK: Interesting.

TBDIII: Look, I feel like a total jerk. I don't normally go to interviews hung over and I don't usually drink 15 shots. But the reason why I came here today, the reason why I didn't stay in bed, is because I really want this job. What happened last night was a special occasion I guess. I grew up with this guy, I went to school with him, and there was no way I was going to let him do something stupid like back out on his fiancée. I had to get down there in the trenches with him. It couldn't have gone any other way.

(CITIBANK lets out a big laugh. TBDIII is so embarrassed that he gets up to leave.)

All right, ok. Thank you Jacques for this opportunity and I, uh, hope to hear back from you soon.

CITIBANK: Sit down Mr. Davis.

TBDIII: How do you know my name?

CITIBANK: Because I have your resume right in front of me. Do you know what else this resume tells me? It tells me that out of all of the candidates for the position, you're the least qualified. You have no experience with finance and you went to a college I've never heard of. You also seem to be quite a party animal. However.

TBDIII: However?

CITIBANK: Out of all the candidates, you're the only one with what we French like to call "joie de vivre." You were caught up in the moment at that bachelor party. You had life by the god damn reins! HOHN! HOHN! HOHN! But in all seriousness, what impresses me is that you were dumb enough to come here and tell me the honest truth. And that's what Citibank needs, Mr. Davis - honest people who look out for their friends, welcome to the team.

ACT 2

(Summer 2008. Citibank Headquarters in Manhattan. Thompson Bennett Davis IV stumbles into an office extremely drunk.)

CITIBANK: Jesus, are you all right?

TBDIV: I'm fine as a philistine, my man. I'm telling you I got "joy de viver" from here to Madagascar.

CITIBANK: You smell like wine, sir.

TBDIV: I graduated from Middlebury College with a degree in Music.

CITIBANK: Middlebury?

TBDIV: It's in Vermont.

CITIBANK: Get out of here.

*Author's note

Thompson Davis III graduated from Middlebury College in 1977 with a degree in French. He started his I-banking career at Citibank in 1980 and has been doing it ever since. He is not a degenerate or an alcoholic.