op-ed Start the dialogue on sexual assault

Author: Kristen Ward and Aki Ito

I was molested at age 3.

The police told me I should have tried harder to get information about my rapist.

My friend said he didn't rape her - she doesn't think it's rape because she was drunk.

Even my family didn't believe me.

I told him no, and he did it anyway.

A guy in my class wears a shirt that says 'No means yes.'

The man who raped my best friend lives in my building.

These and many other powerful statements were made by courageous women and men last Thursday night at Lovefest, Feminist Action at Middlebury's annual speak-out against sexual violence. Students came together to speak out about their own experiences with sexual assault, as well as the experiences of their friends and family. According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, one in six women, and one in 33 men, have been victims of sexual assault in the United States. Translated to Middlebury College, approximately 200 women and 36 men on this campus have been or will be sexually assaulted. Some of those cases are happening right here, right now on campus. In 2006, two cases of forcible sex offenses were reported to Public Safety. In 2005, four cases were reported. Yet, most incidences of sexual assault go unreported. How many of you know this person's story?

We need these survivors' voices and experiences to be heard, validated and discussed on this campus by everyone in the community. Yet we rarely talk about sexual assault in our idyllic Middlebury bubble.

We believe that this silence is partly due to a lack of understanding of what constitutes as sexual assault. How do I know if I have been sexually assaulted, or if I have sexually assaulted someone else? This confusion is shared by many of us.

If our school really is, as it claims to be in the Handbook, "committed to promoting, through education and awareness-raising activities, a campus environment where sexual assault and exploitation are recognized as wholly unacceptable," then why are we only vaguely aware of what is prohibited on this campus? A few weeks ago, the school sent out a leaflet describing Middlebury's sexual assault policy. But we suspect that very few actually read the document before throwing it away.

How many of us have heard comments like "I was so drunk that I didn't know what was going on, and before I knew it, we were having sex" or "I said no, but he continued anyway" or "We didn't go all the way, so it's not assault?" Yet under the Middlebury College Handbook, all of these are examples of sexual assault. How many of you are surprised that, if this happens to you, you can pursue both legal action under Vermont law and redress through the Middlebury judicial system?

We don't know what the best course of action is at our school where our friends and classmates are being sexually assaulted, and no one is talking about it. But we need to come up with concrete solutions that make it less likely for sexual assault to take place, and in the case that it does happen, victims are provided with as much support as possible. A variety of systemic solutions exist, including a victim advocate, a social honor code, mandatory information sessions on sexual assault during freshmen orientation and a more transparent judicial system around sexual assault. After our conversations with sexual assault victims, human relations advisors and those who know the Middlebury judicial code well, one thing is painfully clear to us - if even one student, staff member, faculty member or administrator feels unsafe in our community, no one is safe. Until we reach that point of safety, we must vigilantly fight to get there.

Sex can be fun and exciting and beautiful. Yet, at times, in a single night, it can shatter another human being's dignity and agency. Some say that the difference is a slippery slope. We disagree - there is a fundamental difference between wanted and unwanted sex. It is only when we shy away from discussing sex, violence and their repercussions that we begin to lose sight of that line.

Speak up at http://mendthesilence.blogspot.com.

Kristen Ward '08 is from Simsbury, Conn. Aki Ito '09 is from Tokyo, Japan.